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The internet is a great invention that brings a host of advantages for the world population. However, there are several issues in terms of security and control of personal data. Do you agree or disagree with this?

The internet is a great invention that brings a host of advantages for the world population. However, there are several issues in terms of security and control of personal data. with this? lxgx1
at present, technology is widely used in different areas of our lives. Like every other thing, it comes with its own benefits and problems. In my opinion, I completely disagree that the problems in terms of security and privacy of information are not more than its advantages. Nowadays, the internet is one of the prime source of learning and entertainment. We can browse any topic and get information about that, there is no need to look for libraries and finding of books. Same goes with enjoyment over a OTT platforms, you do not need to go to theaters. Furthermore, with the help of internet our communication becomes very easy, you can contact a person who lives 1000 miles away from you, even you can see them with the help of videocalls. Most of our jobs done by just tapping on our devices. For example online shopping, which is very time consuming task done in such seconds and online banking is one of the valuable advantage because there is no any standing in queue problem with this and all your transaction done with just click. Where technological growth had made our lives easier it also comes with threats. In online payments they collect our bank details, at that time many attackers steal our data and money. Moreover Facebook and Instagram uses cookie policy to browse our data and stay connected with us, during this also our personal data got exposed. Internet provides us many drives in which we can store our personal documents and photos, there are attackers who can get access by hacking and make it use of against us and manier time it also comes with sexual harassment and money threat. To conclude, undoubtedly the data security and privacy is known issues which can not be ignored but it does not mean we forget about its welfare like bringing people close, raising in finances, gaining knowlodge and many more.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
at
present, technology is
widely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
areas of our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. Like every other thing, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
with its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
benefits and problems. In my opinion, I completely disagree that the problems in terms of security and privacy of information are not more than its advantages. Nowadays, the internet is one of the prime source of learning and entertainment. We can browse any topic and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
information about that, there is no need to look for libraries and finding of books. Same goes with enjoyment over a
Possible spelling mistake found.
OTT
platforms, you do not need to go to theaters.
Furthermore
, with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of internet our communication becomes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
easy, you can contact a person who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
Writing for an international audience? Consider adding the metric equivalent.
1000 miles
away from you, even you can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
them with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of
Possible spelling mistake found.
videocalls
. Most of our jobs done by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
tapping on our devices.
For example
online shopping, which is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
time consuming
task done in such seconds and online banking is one of the valuable advantage
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there is
Did you mean "now" (=at this moment) instead of 'no' (negation)?
no
any standing in queue problem with this and all your transaction done with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
click.
“Where” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Where
technological growth had made our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
easier it
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
with threats. In online payments they collect our bank
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
, at that time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
attackers steal our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
and money.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Moreover
Facebook and Instagram
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
uses
cookie policy to browse our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
and stay connected with us, during this
also
our personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
exposed. Internet provides us
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
drives in which we can store our personal documents and photos, there are attackers who can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
access by hacking and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of against us and
Possible spelling mistake found.
manier
time it
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
with sexual harassment and money threat.
To conclude
,
undoubtedly
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
data
security and privacy
is known
issues which can not be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignored
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it does not mean we forget about its welfare like bringing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
close, raising in finances, gaining
Possible spelling mistake found.
knowlodge
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more.
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IELTS essay The internet is a great invention that brings a host of advantages for the world population. However, there are several issues in terms of security and control of personal data. with this?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
320 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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