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Some people think that money is one of the most important factor make their happiness

Some people think that money is one of the most important factor make their happiness RWGnV
Some people think that money is the most essential factors in promoting happiness. In my view, people cannot remain in a happy state without money, as soul becomes quite challenging without it. First of all, we all know that money plays a necessary role in our life and it can bring joyfulness to our lives certainly. With money, we can purchase products that make us happy. In addition, provide a good education for your children can be a factor also. Furthermore, saving money for the future can enable us to good financial stability. Or one of the common dreams is getting a house for themselves, especially with the new generation. And if they do want to make it come true, they do need money to do it that means money can help us make our dream come true easily. In short, finance has a positive impact on society and also act as a self-motivating reason, which make our lives more meaningful.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is the most essential factors in promoting happiness. In my view,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
cannot remain in a happy state without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, as soul becomes quite challenging without it.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, we all know that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
plays a necessary role in our life and it can bring joyfulness to our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
certainly
. With
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
products that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
us happy.
In addition
, provide a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
education for your children can be a factor
also
.
Furthermore
, saving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for the future can enable us to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
financial stability. Or one of the common dreams is getting a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
for themselves,
especially
with the new generation. And if they do want to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
true, they do need
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to do it that means
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
us
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
our dream
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
true
easily
. In short, finance has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact on society and
also
act as a self-motivating reason, which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
more meaningful.

IELTS essay Some people think that money is one of the most important factor make their happiness

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
161 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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