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The internet has changed way we communicate. Much communication today happens through social media. Some people support this and think it is a positive development Others believe that social media have negative effects. v.1

The internet has changed way we communicate. Much communication today happens through social media. Some people support this and think it is a positive development Others believe that social media have negative effects. v. 1
The internet has contributed greatly to our breakthrough in communication. For instance, a large amount of communication occurs on social media such as Facebook and Instagram. While some consider it advantageous due to its convenience, there are many who argue that it can have a negative influence on our contemporary society. This essay will discuss both positions and I will conclude with my personal opinion. From one side of the debate, social media has been proven to be convenient. This means that when using social media, people can type the message, widely communicating even far away distance. For instance, the founder of social media such as Facebook and Instagram, mark Zuckerberg report that that application enables wider peer to peer communication regardless of its distance. Thus, Communication on such social media can drive people into a situation where they minimize the restriction of distance. Meanwhile, those tending towards the second opinion argue that allowing social media in our modern society can have a negative impact on a specific group of people. That is, while in communication, a group of people can cause not only conflict but also cyber bullying. In the case of Facebook, the united states of the American government report that people in the media have increased the proportion of cyber-bullied users by forty percent. As a result, enabling online communication on media is more likely to cause more victims suffering from cyber bullying. Furthermore, it is also undeniable that allowing social networking services to be widely used in society can lead to a large number of health problems. During the period of using smart phones for social media, it can decrease not only the level of eyesight but also nutritional levels. NSW government reported that those addicted to digital media tend to have more issues with eyesight when compared to people with the media with the appropriate period. AS a consequence, the excessive level of using digital media can have a negative impact on body parts, especially on the eyes. To recapitulate, while there are greater advantages of using social media, its drawbacks outweigh its advantages. Therefore, the appropriate amount of time and swearing are strongly recommended to produce a better environment.
The internet has contributed
greatly
to our breakthrough in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
.
For instance
, a large amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
occurs on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
such as Facebook and Instagram. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
consider it advantageous due to its convenience, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
who argue that it can have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
influence on our contemporary society. This essay will discuss both positions and I will conclude with my personal opinion.

From one side of the debate,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
has
been proven
to be convenient. This means that when using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can type the message,
widely
communicating even far away distance.
For instance
, the founder of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
such as Facebook and Instagram,
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
mark Zuckerberg
The singular proper name 'Zuckerberg' must be used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "reports", "reported".
report
that that application enables wider peer to peer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
regardless of its distance.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Communication
on such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
can drive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
into a situation where they minimize the restriction of distance.

Meanwhile, those tending towards the second opinion argue that allowing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
in our modern society can have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on a specific group of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
That is
, while in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
, a group of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can cause not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
conflict
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This word is normally spelled as one.
cyber bullying
. In the case of Facebook, the
The proper noun "United States" needs to be capitalized.
united states
of the American
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
report that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
have increased the proportion of cyber-bullied users by forty percent.
As a result
, enabling online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
is more likely to cause more victims suffering from
This word is normally spelled as one.
cyber bullying
.

Furthermore
, it is
also
undeniable that allowing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networking services to be
widely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in society can lead to
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
health problems. During the period of using smart phones for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
, it can decrease not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the level of eyesight
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
nutritional levels. NSW
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
reported that those addicted to digital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
tend to have more issues with eyesight when compared to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
with the appropriate period. AS a consequence, the excessive level of using digital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
can have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on body parts,
especially
on the eyes.

To recapitulate, while there are greater advantages of using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
, its drawbacks outweigh its advantages.
Therefore
, the appropriate amount of time and swearing are
strongly
The verb 'recommended' is used with the gerund form: "recommended producing".
recommended to produce
a better environment.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
34Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay The internet has changed way we communicate. Much communication today happens through social media. Some people support this and think it is a positive development Others believe that social media have negative effects. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
365 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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