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The internet has changed the way information is now shared and consumed. What are some problems associated with the internet, and what solutions can you suggest?

The internet has changed the way information is now shared and consumed. What are some problems associated with the internet, and what solutions can you suggest? JY87a
The social networks have altered the system of distributing and perceiving the data. There are numerous problems and there are certain measures to be taken to resolve them. One of the biggest problems is the insecurity of our privacy on the Internet. Most of the time people use social media with no real idea of the dangers, and have wised up only through trial and error. Celebrities posting inappropriate material, private pictures get to the Internet at huge amounts. All this shows that contrary to what many people seem to have assumed online security and privacy are vital, I tend to think it will become even more important in the future. Furthermore, although every user needs privacy, the issue is particularly sensitive for minors despite attempts to raise their awareness, children still behave recklessly online. We need to be aware that different Internet platforms provide different privacy experiences. Some of them are entirely open and public, no steps are taken to protect personal information. To resolve this problem we could try to pay more attention to our privacy, install apps that would help to do this and monitor all the personal information that we enter on site registrations. Only we are responsible for our privacy. Another issue is that we prefer talking virtually than face-to-face. Nowadays, we mostly chat with people online. The availability of these technologies for communication has also resulted in a shift in interpersonal relationships. Interaction today has become virtual instead of personal. You may be chatting with someone, for instance it can be the member of your family, your colleague or schoolmate over your phone but little did you realize that you may have established a far deeper relationship with your phone rather than with the person on the other end of the line. To solve this problem we could decrease the time online and find more offline activities, for example common sport activities, weekly meetings with friends in a cafe, going with your acquaintances to various sections and meet new people. It would definitely improve your socialization and make you more independent from the Internet. To sum up, online communication has become more popular than face-to-face. It brings about several problems, such as the insecurity of our privacy and the voice of online chatting rather than real communication. Several measures could be taken to resolve this problem, for instance offline activities and tracking personal information.
The social networks have altered the system of distributing and perceiving the data. There are numerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
and there are certain measures to
be taken
to resolve them.

One of the biggest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
is the insecurity of our privacy on the Internet. Most of the time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
social media with no real
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
dangers
, and have wised up
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
through trial and error. Celebrities posting inappropriate material, private pictures
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to the Internet at huge amounts. All this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that contrary to what
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
seem to have assumed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
security and privacy are vital, I tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it will become even more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
in the future.
Furthermore
, although every user needs privacy, the issue is
particularly
sensitive for minors despite attempts to raise their awareness, children
still
behave
recklessly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
. We need to be aware that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
Internet platforms provide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
privacy experiences.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
of them are
entirely
open and public, no steps
are taken
to protect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
information. To resolve this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
we could try to pay more attention to our privacy, install apps that would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to do this and monitor all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
information that we enter on site registrations.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Only
we are responsible for our privacy.

Another issue is that we prefer talking
Use "(virtually)" to make a comparison with this adjective.
virtually
than face-to-face. Nowadays, we
mostly
chat with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
. The availability of these technologies for communication has
also
resulted in a shift in interpersonal relationships. Interaction
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
has become virtual
instead
of
Did you mean the noun "personnel"?
personal
. You may be chatting with someone,
for instance
it can be the member of your family, your colleague or schoolmate over your phone
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
did you realize that you may have established a far deeper relationship with your phone
rather
than with the person on the other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the line. To solve this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
we could decrease the time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
and find more offline activities,
for example
common sport activities, weekly meetings with friends in a
'cafe' is an imported foreign expression, which originally has a diacritic. Consider using "café"
cafe
, going with your acquaintances to various sections and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. It would definitely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
your socialization and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
you more
The usual collocation for "independent" is "of" not "from". Did you mean "independent of"?
independent from
the Internet.

To sum up,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
communication has become more popular than face-to-face. It brings about several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
, such as the insecurity of our privacy and the voice of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
chatting
rather
than real communication. Several measures could
be taken
to resolve this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
,
for instance
offline activities and tracking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
information.
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IELTS essay The internet has changed the way information is now shared and consumed. What are some problems associated with the internet, and what solutions can you suggest?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
400 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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