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The internet allows us to stay connected with each other no matter where we are. On the other hand, it also isolates us and encourages people not to socialise. To what extent do you agree or disagree with these statements? v.4

The internet allows us to stay connected with each other no matter where we are. On the other hand, it also isolates us and encourages people not to socialise. with these statements? v. 4
The Internet is a wonderful tool that helps to keep in touch with friends and family wherever they are. Although it has never been easier to communicate each other, human relations are disturbingly weaker. In my opinion, I believe that technology is remarkably useful and valuable for communication purposes, while it carries also a treat of vanishing social bonds. Firstly, thanks to the Internet we can call to people who are far away from us. For example, when I was on a student exchange in a different country, I communicated with my family via Messenger and Skype. Also, I had an opportunity to share my experiences with others by posting on Instagram. Moreover, I saw there what my friends were doing and what was happening in my country. Furthermore, the business world benefits a lot thanks to technologies. For instance, collaboration between companies headquarter in distinct places is possible and as a result, corporations can expand abroad. Another example is that employees do not have to be in the office physically, because they can work remotely. On the other hand, computerized society is becoming less connected. The Internet leads to isolation, people rarely spend time together and talk face to face, because they prefer to talk via online communicators. A great example are young people who instead of hanging out together, stay at home and chat on Messenger or WhatsUp. What is more disturbing, even when they meet together, it can be observed that most of them are gasping at smartphones and not talking at all. Another danger is that it can be hard to escape from working, when an access to mails and a company site is available even after working hours. Many people work when they are back home and not devote enough time to family. Consequently, relations between them are becoming alarmingly weak. To conclude, even tough the Internet has enhanced the way people communicate regardless of distance, it has also made a tremendous damages on our social life.
The Internet is a wonderful tool that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
in touch with friends and family wherever they are. Although it has never been easier to communicate each other, human relations are
disturbingly
weaker. In my opinion, I believe that technology is
remarkably
useful and valuable for communication purposes, while it carries
also
a treat of vanishing social bonds.

Firstly
, thanks to the Internet we can call to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are far away from us.
For example
, when I was on a student exchange in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
country, I communicated with my family via Messenger and Skype.
Also
, I had an opportunity to share my experiences with others by posting on Instagram.
Moreover
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
there what my friends were doing and what was happening in my country.
Furthermore
, the business world benefits
If you mean a great quantity, use "a lot of thanks"?
a lot thanks
to technologies.
For instance
, collaboration between
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
headquarter in distinct places is possible and
as a result
, corporations can expand abroad. Another example is that employees do not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be in the office
physically
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they can work
remotely
.

On the other hand
, computerized society is becoming less connected. The Internet leads to isolation,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
rarely spend time together and talk face to face,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they prefer to talk via online communicators. A great example are young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
instead
of hanging out together, stay at home and chat on Messenger or
Possible spelling mistake found.
WhatsUp
.
What is more
disturbing, even when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
together, it can
be observed
that most of them are gasping at smartphones and not talking at all. Another
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
is that it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to escape from working, when
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "access".
an access
to mails and a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
site is available even after working hours.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
work when they are back home and not devote
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
time to family.
Consequently
, relations between them are becoming
alarmingly
weak.

To conclude
, even tough the Internet has enhanced the way
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
communicate regardless of distance, it has
also
made a tremendous
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "damage"?
damages
on our social life.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
A foreign language is like a frail, delicate muscle. If you do not use it, it weakens.
Jhumpa Lahiri

IELTS essay The internet allows us to stay connected with each other no matter where we are. On the other hand, it also isolates us and encourages people not to socialise. with these statements? v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
332 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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