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The internet allows us to stay connected with each other no matter where we are. On the other hand, it also isolates us and encourages people not to socialise. v.14

The internet allows us to stay connected with each other no matter where we are. On the other hand, it also isolates us and encourages people not to socialise. v. 14
The development of technology has become faster and faster. The internet as one of the advanced technologies is believed by many people to make communication easier. Albeit, others think that the internet restricts people to socialise. In my point of view, I believe that the upsides of internet outstrip the downsides. Firstly, the internet allows people to get in touch with their families, friends, and relatives who live or stay in other countries. For instance, some Asian students choose to study abroad. By the internet existence, they are able to interact and communicate with their families, even if they are limited by many miles away from their home. They can know about their parents' condition and share information about themselves using some features that are provided by the internet such as Facebook, Instagram, Skype, etc. Secondly, by using the internet, people are able to share memories and information with people around the world. The internet makes communication easier, so people can recognise the conditions and situations in other countries. They can enrich their knowledge about world's issues and try to find solutions if it is needed. People do not have to go a certain country to find out what is happening there since the internet helps them to get anything. Moreover, the internet allows people to make new friends and acquaintances. Hence, they will socialise with other people from different circumstances. This would lead people to have a good relationship with the citizen of the world and acknowledge about their cultures. To sum up, I believe that the internet brings many benefits, mainly to allow people staying connected with each other no matter how far they are. The advantages outweigh the disadvantages that the internet brings along.
The development of technology has become faster and faster. The internet as one of the advanced technologies
is believed
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
communication easier. Albeit, others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the internet restricts
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
Possible spelling mistake. 'socialise' is British English.
socialise
. In my point of view, I believe that the upsides of internet outstrip the downsides.

Firstly
, the internet
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
in touch with their families, friends, and relatives who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
or stay in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
countries.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Asian students choose to study abroad. By the internet existence, they are able to interact and communicate with their families, even if they
are limited
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
miles away from their home. They can know about their parents' condition and share information about themselves using
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
features that
are provided
by the internet such as Facebook, Instagram, Skype, etc.

Secondly
, by using the internet,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are able to share memories and information with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
around the world. The internet
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
communication easier,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
Possible spelling mistake. 'recognise' is British English.
recognise
the conditions and situations in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
countries. They can enrich their knowledge about world's issues and try to find solutions if it
is needed
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
do not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
go a certain country to find out what is happening there since the internet
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
anything.

Moreover
, the internet
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
new friends and acquaintances.
Hence
, they will
Possible spelling mistake. 'socialise' is British English.
socialise
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
circumstances. This would lead
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
relationship with the citizen of the world and acknowledge about their cultures.

To sum up, I believe that the internet brings
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits,
mainly
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
staying connected with each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
no matter how far they are. The advantages outweigh the disadvantages that the internet brings along.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay The internet allows us to stay connected with each other no matter where we are. On the other hand, it also isolates us and encourages people not to socialise. v. 14

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
287 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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