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The internet allows us to stay connected with each other no matter where we are. On the other hand, it also isolates us and encourages people not to socialise. v.15

The internet allows us to stay connected with each other no matter where we are. On the other hand, it also isolates us and encourages people not to socialise. v. 15
Nowadays it is particularly impossible to live without modern gadgets. New technologies are used in everyday life by millions of people around the world. Social relationships between us are getting easier with the help of mobiles and the internet. We may do everything online- buy things, do business, communicate with your friends, exchange your opinions with others. Even distant education in overseas countries is available on the internet. Everything you have to do is just to be connected to the global network. Apart from this, it opens wide fields for everyone who has ever used this helpful source of information and communication throughout the huge world. Social networks are getting more and more popular among young and middle-aged people, even elderly ones try to use this convenient means of communication. Nevertheless, the role of the internet in many negative aspects of our life is crucial. We are becoming more involved in the virtual world, without understanding all side effects of its usage. Children play violent and cruel games on the internet, sitting in front of a computer for hours. They don’t know another reality, but the virtual one. It really makes them internet addicted since their early  years. Moreover, the number of crimes and suicides among teenagers has also grown dramatically. Violence, aggression, racial intolerance and lechery are altogether the dangerous companions of the modern World Wide Web. Despite all the statements about the global connection between people, owing to the internet, we can see that many of them are incapable of having a vivid communication with their relatives, neighbours and colleagues at work. A lot of families don’t spend their free time together anymore; they are separated by the internet from each other. In addition, many prefer to stay online the whole weekends and they really don’t care about surrounding reality. To sum up, I would like to say that the internet is just a part of our life, like many other things and there will always be a lot of different judgements and opinions upon it. Furthermore, only we can do it better or worse for ourselves and our society in whole. It is full of advantages and disadvantages, as well as everything in this world, but it’s up to us to stay connected with others or to be isolated in its diverse and extensive area.
Nowadays it is
particularly
impossible to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
without modern gadgets. New technologies are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in everyday life by millions of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
around the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
. Social relationships between us are getting easier with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of mobiles and the internet. We may do everything online-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
things, do business, communicate with your friends, exchange your opinions with others. Even distant education in overseas countries is available on the internet. Everything you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
do is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
to
be connected
to the global network. Apart from this, it opens wide fields for everyone who has ever
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
this helpful source of information and communication throughout the huge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
. Social networks are getting more and more popular among young and middle-aged
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, even elderly ones try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
this convenient means of communication.

Nevertheless
, the role of the internet in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
aspects of our life is crucial. We are becoming more involved in the virtual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
, without understanding all side effects of its usage. Children play violent and cruel games on the internet, sitting in front of a computer for hours. They don’t know another reality,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the virtual one. It
really
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them internet addicted since their early
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
years.
Moreover
, the number of crimes and suicides among
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
has
also
grown
dramatically
. Violence, aggression, racial intolerance and lechery are altogether the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
companions of the modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
World
Wide Web. Despite all the statements about the global
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
connection between
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, owing to the internet, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of them are incapable of having a vivid communication with their relatives,
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbours' is British English.
neighbours
and colleagues at work.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
A lot of
families don’t spend their free time together anymore; they
are separated
by the internet from each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
.
In addition
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
prefer to stay online the whole
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
weekends and
they
really
don’t care about surrounding reality.

To sum up, I would like to say that the internet is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a part of our life, like
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
things and there will always be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
judgements and opinions upon it.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
we can do it better or worse for ourselves and our society in whole. It is full of advantages and disadvantages,
as well
as everything in this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it’s up to us to stay connected with others or to
be isolated
in its diverse and extensive area.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay The internet allows us to stay connected with each other no matter where we are. On the other hand, it also isolates us and encourages people not to socialise. v. 15

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
388 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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