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In some parts of the world, it is becoming increasingly popular to try to find out the history of someone’s family. v.1

In some parts of the world, it is becoming increasingly popular to try to find out the history of someone’s family. v. 1
I definitely agree that finding the origin of a family is truly crucial in terms of several reasons. Furthermore, I will elaborate the reasons through this essay. The first reason is that people tend to clarify and identify the origin of their family to detect the characteristics of every member psychologically and biologically. In psychological view, we are claimed to have a similar character with other family members as well as a similar behaviour on how we face the problems. Moreover, biologically, it is clear that we get the character genetically from parents, then by observing and identifying this biological feature we are able to understand why we possess a certain character and how to change the character in future for the next offspring. The second reason is that we face many criminal cases nowadays in terms of adopting children which give unclear identity for those children in the future when they are registered in migration office as well as when they are sent to the school. This condition gets some people to identify the history of the family to avoid the constraints in administration process in every place where they are. For example, they absolutely need the data of parent birth date as well as their valid address in making a family card. They then try to find out some information from people around them. On the other hand, there are some people who believe that this action is merely a waste the time. There is no advantage to think more about the past or the history of a family. However, every person has his/her own pride to identify the characteristics of family members. We cannot deny that they are all memorable to be memorised forever. The most important thing is that we must respect the way people love their family.
I definitely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that finding the origin of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
is
truly
crucial in terms of several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
.
Furthermore
, I will elaborate the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
through this essay.

The
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to clarify and identify the origin of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
to detect the characteristics of every member
psychologically
and
biologically
. In psychological view, we
are claimed
to have a similar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
character
with other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members
as well
as a similar
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
on how we face the problems.
Moreover
,
biologically
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
character
genetically
from parents, then by observing and identifying this biological feature we are able to understand why we possess a certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
character
and how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
character
in future for the
next
offspring.

The second
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
is that we face
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
criminal cases nowadays in terms of adopting children which give unclear identity for those children in the future when they
are registered
in migration office
as well
as when they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sent
to the school. This condition
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to identify the history of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
to avoid the constraints in administration process in every place where they are.
For example
, they
absolutely
need the data of parent birth date
as well
as their valid address in making a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
card. They then try to find out
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
information from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
around them.

On the other hand
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who believe that this action is
merely
a waste the time. There is no advantage to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
more about the past or the history of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
.
However
, every person has his/her
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
pride to identify the characteristics of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members. We cannot deny that they are all memorable to be
Possible spelling mistake. 'memorised' is British English.
memorised
forever. The most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
thing is that we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
respect the way
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay In some parts of the world, it is becoming increasingly popular to try to find out the history of someone’s family. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
302 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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