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The international community should do more to tackle the threat of global warming. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

The international community should do more to tackle the threat of global warming. v. 1
Although it is thought by some that extramural classes should be attended by pupils, others believe that the children should have free periods to play sometimes. In my opinion, I believe children should have leisure time to play as this helps in the relaxation of mind and body. On the one hand, those that think children should attend extra classes base their argument on the fact that the pupils are taught topics of the next grade. The classes teach them topics ahead of their present class using the educational calendar and curriculum. This will result in the pupils acquiring ideas about the topics before it is taught in their regular class. For instance, in Edo State, there is a popular lecture centre for summer school called Scholars lecture, students attend during holidays to gain knowledge for the next grade. This enables the slow learners to cope better when school resumes. I do not agree with this opinion because children can still meet up with academic work the way the curriculum is designed. On the other hand, other people believe that children need their leisure period after school to engage in playing with peer groups to re-energize their mind and body This will help them relax after school by engaging in activities that gives them pleasure. For example, playing football. Children finds it so much fun and they enjoy themselves while keeping fit. In conclusion, while there are different opinions, I believe that children should use their free time to play sometimes, as this will enable them relax their brain after a stressful period at school.
Although it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
that extramural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
should
be attended
by pupils, others
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should have free periods to play
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
. In my opinion, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should have leisure time to play as this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
in the relaxation of mind and body.

On the one hand, those that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should attend extra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
base their argument on the fact that the pupils
are taught
topics of the
next
grade. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
teach them topics ahead of their present
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
using the educational calendar and curriculum. This will result in the pupils acquiring
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
about the topics
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
it
is taught
in their regular
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
.

For instance
, in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Edo
State, there is a popular lecture
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
for summer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
called Scholars lecture, students attend during holidays to gain knowledge for the
next
grade. This enables the slow learners to cope better when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
resumes. I do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this opinion
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can
still
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
up with academic work the way the curriculum
is designed
.

On the other hand
, other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
need their leisure period after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
to engage in playing with peer groups to re-energize their mind and body This will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them relax after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
by engaging in activities that gives them pleasure.
For example
, playing football.
Possible agreement error. You should probably use: "child finds".
Children finds
it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
fun and
they enjoy themselves while keeping fit.

In conclusion
, while there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
opinions, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their free time to play
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
, as this will enable them relax their brain after a stressful period at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The international community should do more to tackle the threat of global warming. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
265 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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