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The influence of international even on reducing international tension and releasing patriotic emotion

The influence of international even on reducing international tension and releasing patriotic emotion NrgqW
Patriotism is embeded in the hearth of every people can lead violance action or event war if out of control. Some people believe that organizing International even such as wold cup or summer olympiad are able to reduce international tention or realeasing patriotic emotion safely. I do agree with this argument with some reason which will explaine bellow. Basicely everyone want recognition from others as either the best in term of wealth, intelectual or resources. In national level, we will pride if our county is better than others which in the past was menifestated as war. However, war nowadays is inrelevant to show superiority due to its costly and destructive. International event, in other hand, provide arena to prove superiority at least in sport. Additionally, sport not only give us opportunity to compete but also entertiment. Skill showing by atlete sometimes like a magic that make all attendant focuse to the show and in hte same time they forgot about competition. Consequently, atlete and supporter are able to show their patriotism with less friction or tention. In conclution, International event is the best way to show patriotism in modern era due to it less destructive and more save.
Patriotism is
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "embedded", the past tense form of the verb 'embed'?
embeded
in the hearth of every
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can lead
Possible spelling mistake found.
violance
action or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
war if out of control.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that organizing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
International
even such as wold cup or summer
Possible spelling mistake found.
olympiad
are able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
Possible spelling mistake found.
tention
or
Possible spelling mistake found.
realeasing
patriotic emotion
safely
. I do
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this argument with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reason which will
Possible spelling mistake found.
explaine
bellow.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Basicely
everyone
The pronoun 'everyone' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "wants", "wanted".
want
recognition from others as either the best in term of wealth,
Possible spelling mistake found.
intelectual
or resources. In national level, we will pride if our county is better than others which in the past was
Possible spelling mistake found.
menifestated
as war.
However
, war nowadays is
Possible spelling mistake found.
inrelevant
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
show
superiority due to its costly and destructive.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
International
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
, in other hand, provide arena to prove superiority at least in sport.
Additionally
, sport not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
give us opportunity to compete
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
Possible spelling mistake found.
entertiment
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Skill
showing by
Possible spelling mistake found.
atlete
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
like a magic that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
all attendant
Possible spelling mistake found.
focuse
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
show
and in
Possible spelling mistake found.
hte
same time they forgot about competition.
Consequently
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
atlete
and supporter are able to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
show
their patriotism with less friction or
Possible spelling mistake found.
tention
. In
Possible spelling mistake found.
conclution
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
International
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
is the best way to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
show
patriotism in modern era due to it less destructive and more save.
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IELTS essay The influence of international even on reducing international tension and releasing patriotic emotion

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
198 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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