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scholarpship for university

scholarpship for university MMPYN
My name is Mursal Mohammadi and I am a sophomore currently enrolled at Delhi University. First, I would like to say that I am very honored to have been shortlisted for AKU VIP as having experience with AKU is always my goal. However, even after acceptance into this program, there will be a problem and it is a financial one. I am from a ginormous Afghan household, consisting of 11 members which every single of us is passionate about learning and having an education. Four years back the insecurity in Afghanistan forced my family to flee to India for a better life and better education opportunities. Decamping away from our country and starting a new life in India as a refugee, brought a plethora of obstacles into our lives and almost nothing is the same as we used to have. For example, my father and my two elder siblings were the breadwinners in our family and their monthly income was very enough to justify all the expenditures (education, house expenses, bills, recreation for instance). That said, the language barrier in India and limitation in English led my father to joblessness and lack of documentation for my siblings to get a job, so it’s quite difficult to afford the cost of our education. Now my father's hardship back in Afghanistan and his savings along with my siblings' part-time jobs barely meets our needs. But these reasons did not and will not be able to stop me from learning and excelling in my career. I started looking for scholarships and educational opportunities, fortunately, my application was accepted by Delhi university, and embarked on my field of interest (Multimedia and Mass Communication). I have received funds from our local council for my college fee which without their support it wouldn't be possible to pay my college fees. I have volunteered as a youth leader in Bosco UNHCR which helped in getting admission to Delhi University. During the 1st year of my college, I was teaching at Ismaili center and the stipend helped me to pay for my college expenses. Further, I am volunteering at my local Jamat Khana as a REC teacher and Youth and Sports board member. Recently I started freelance Interpreter so I will be able to help my family and stand on my own feet. My goal and aspiration are to give back to my community along with learning new skills in my career. This internship will help me to boost the process of developing and curving the best version of me and make me prepare and enhance my skills which are needed in the field of communication. As a college student, the fee for the course is very high and my parents are hardly able to pay my college fee, and the pandemic arduous the situation. I appreciate your consideration for financial aid and looking forward to becoming part of AKU VIP.
My name is
Possible spelling mistake found.
Mursal
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
Mohammadi and
I am a sophomore
currently
enrolled at Delhi University.
First
, I would like to say that I am
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
honored to have
been shortlisted
for AKU VIP as having experience with AKU is always my goal.

However
, even after acceptance into this program, there will be a problem and it is a financial one.

I am from a ginormous Afghan household, consisting of 11 members which every single of us is passionate about learning and having an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
. Four years back the insecurity in Afghanistan forced my family to flee to India for a better life and better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
opportunities. Decamping away from our country and starting a new life in India as a refugee, brought a plethora of obstacles into our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
and almost nothing is the same as we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to have.
For example
, my father and my two elder siblings were the breadwinners in our family and their monthly income was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to justify all the expenditures
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
(education
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
expenses, bills, recreation
for instance
). That said, the language barrier in India and limitation in English led my father to joblessness and lack of documentation for my siblings to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a job,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it’s quite difficult to afford the cost of our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
my father's hardship back in Afghanistan and his savings along with my siblings' part-time jobs
barely
meets our needs.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
these reasons did not and will not be able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
me from learning and excelling in my career. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
looking for scholarships and educational opportunities,
fortunately
, my application was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
by Delhi university, and embarked on my field of interest (Multimedia and Mass Communication). I have received funds from our local council for my college
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fee
which without their support it wouldn't be possible to pay my college
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fees
.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
have volunteered as a youth leader in Bosco UNHCR which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
in getting admission to Delhi University. During the 1st year of my college, I was teaching at
Possible spelling mistake found.
Ismaili
center and the stipend
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
me to pay for my college expenses.
Further
, I am volunteering at my local
Possible spelling mistake found.
Jamat
Possible spelling mistake found.
Khana
as a REC teacher and Youth and Sports board member. Recently I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
freelance Interpreter
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
I will be able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
my family and stand on my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
feet.

My goal and aspiration are to give back to my community along with learning new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
in my career. This internship will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
me to boost the process of developing and curving the best version of me and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
me prepare and enhance my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
which
are needed
in the field of communication. As a college student, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fee
for the course is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
high and my parents are hardly able to pay my college
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fee
, and the pandemic arduous the situation. I appreciate your consideration for financial aid and looking forward to becoming part of AKU VIP.
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IELTS essay scholarpship for university

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
483 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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