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the influence of advertising on our behavior

the influence of advertising on our behavior 66nwW
Nowadays advertising is so popular, it is one way of communication which advertisers show their product to people, but it has some negative points, that advertising effects on our behavior. First of all, advertising involve our feelings, the most powerful effect that advertising has is, if you love a product, and the company promote more of the feature of a product, it makes you feel good. First of all, the main motivation for sellers of goods is making profit, therefore they are interested in higher revenue instead of real value for clients. Over the last century advertisements has changed dramatically, they became much more concise and usually provide no information about real features of the product advertised. For instance, recently I saw a beauty product on social media, that it was big colorful banner with a slogan which it was: ‘’love yourself more’’, without any information about that product. In conclusion, I believe that when a company have a purpose to show their product, they should include some information on their production, because these day’s people trust so hard.
Nowadays advertising is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
popular, it is one way of communication which advertisers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
points, that advertising effects on our behavior.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, advertising involve our feelings, the most powerful effect that advertising has is, if you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
, and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
promote more of the feature of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
you feel
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the main motivation for sellers of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
is making profit,
therefore
they
are interested
in higher revenue
instead
of real value for clients. Over the last century advertisements has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
dramatically
, they became much more concise and
usually
provide no information about real features of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
advertised.
For instance
, recently I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
a beauty
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
on social media, that it was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
colorful banner with a slogan which it was: ‘’
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
yourself more’’, without any information about that product.

In conclusion
, I believe that when a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
Possible agreement error - use third-person verb forms for singular and mass nouns: "has".
have
a purpose to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
, they should include
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
information on their production,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
Did you mean "this day" or "these days"?
these day
’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
trust
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
.
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IELTS essay the influence of advertising on our behavior

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
179 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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