Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

I learn that the St. Clair College is one of the largest, most diversified and highly respected colleges in Canada. The facilities offered by the college will help me gain experience be it social, recreational or my personal development

I learn that the St. Clair College is one of the largest, most diversified and highly respected colleges in Canada. The facilities offered by the college will help me gain experience be it social, recreational or my personal development 0pRJ1
I am Rohit Kumar Banga and i belong to Hoshiarpur district of Punjab, India. I have offered admission to pursue two year diploma program in Computer Systems - Networking Technician at Canadore College, Ontario, Canada. Which is scheduled to begin from september 13, 2021. I wish to express my details, my objectives, and career ambitions through this statement of purpose. I come from a nuclear family consisting of my father Manohar lal Banga, who is a Mining Sirdar in Coal India Limited. my mother Kamla devi is a housewife, I have three elder sibling 2 brother and a sister. My family resides in my village kalewal bhagtan, located in Hoshiarpur, India. I have received a consistent endorsement from my family, and their strong belief in my potential has given wing to my dreams from my childhood and has conferred me with a "go-getter" and an "achiever" attitude. I have completed my secondary education from the Central Board of Secondary Education, in the year 2017. after class 10 I chose non-medical with Math, Physics, English and Chemistry as main subject. and completed my senior secondary education from the same board in the year 2019. After completing my graduation I have decided to pursue my higher education on international level. I also appear for IELTS exam on 7th December 2019 and I have scored overall 6. 5 bands. Now I have applied for the program in Computer Systems - Networking Technician at Canadore at Stanford, scarborough, Ontario, Canada. I have always aspired to study something related to computer hardware and the intricacies of operating system. I wanted to do something in my career that is challenging, interesting and practical. Dealing with technology and building infrastructure for mankind is extremely satisfying for me. However, I felt that my area of expertise is in IT and Computer Networking. After detail research, I have chosen the Computer Systems - Networking Technician, which is a two-year program. which will help me to improve my Analytical skills, Computer skills, and provide complete knowledge of operating systems and technical power solving. so there is wide range of skills that I can learn after joining this program. It will give me great satisfaction to invest my time in an industry that is enriching lives. Also, a career in Information Technology and Computer Networking offers a lifetime of excellent opportunities to progress. Computer Systems Networking Technician is the course that meets my area of expertise and suit my existing prowess. This unique trait will persuade me to sharpen the edges of my already existing competence and help me to outshine in my walk of career. I can forecast the benefits that I will impart by studying a diploma in Computer Systems Networking Technician, which includes planning and prioritizing the tasks, executing the project with high quality, and leading in a better way. Through my research and analysis, I learn that the Canadore College is one of the largest, most diversified and highly respected colleges in Canada. The facilities offered by the college will help me gain experience be it social, recreational or my personal development. I believe that Canadore college provide unique and interesting teaching methodologies which will advance my expertise and improve my Computer Networking skills and knowledge to prepare and deliver high-yielding project with ease. Moreover the college speaks of the diverse opportunities in computer systems Networking Technician roles, Which is why I am eagerly waiting to probe this exciting opportunity, which is a stepping stone for my future achievements. My research about the college has also planted a great trust in the teachers who nurture international students with great care. I have chosen Canada as it has developed a first-rate education system with higher standards and global recognition. During my studies in India I realized that the education level is good in India but while researching on internet I came to know that education system in Canada is more advanced. Then I searched about the future options available in India and Canada. During my research I learnt that Canada not only has a great education system but students also get firsthand experience of work during their studies. My family is having sufficient financial savings and annual income in order to support my overall expense in Canada. My family’s annual income is Rs. 500000 which is sufficient to cover my overall expenses in Canada. I have paid CAD 14, 760. 00 as my first-year tuition fee and I have also paid living expense of $10, 035. 00 for the first year of my stay in Canada. Lastly, being an international student I understand all student visa conditions and will abide by all those while in Canada and will return back to my home country after completing my chosen course within given time period. Further, as I am genuine student, meets all eligibility criteria of being an international student, I would request you to kindly grant me Canada visa so that I can complete my career aims. Thank You, Rohit kumar banga
I am Rohit Kumar
Possible spelling mistake found.
Banga
and
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
belong to
Possible spelling mistake found.
Hoshiarpur
district of Punjab, India. I have offered admission to pursue two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
diploma
Possible agreement error. The noun 'program' seems to be countable, so consider using: "programs".
program
in Computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Systems
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
Networking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Technician
at
Possible spelling mistake found.
Canadore
College, Ontario, Canada. Which
is scheduled
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
from
Possible spelling mistake found.
september
13, 2021. I wish to express my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
, my objectives, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
ambitions through this statement of purpose.

I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
from a nuclear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
consisting of my father
Possible spelling mistake found.
Manohar
Possible spelling mistake found.
lal
Possible spelling mistake found.
Banga
, who is a Mining
Possible spelling mistake found.
Sirdar
in Coal India Limited.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
my
mother
Possible spelling mistake found.
Kamla
Possible spelling mistake found.
devi
is a housewife, I have three elder sibling 2 brother and a sister.

My
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
resides in my village
Possible spelling mistake found.
kalewal
Possible spelling mistake found.
bhagtan
, located in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Hoshiarpur
, India. I have received a consistent endorsement from my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, and their strong belief in my potential has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
wing to my dreams from my childhood and has conferred me with a
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
go-getter
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
and an
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
achiever
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
attitude.

I have completed my secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
from the Central Board of Secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Education
, in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
2017.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
after
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
10 I chose non-medical with Math, Physics, English and Chemistry as main subject.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
and
completed my senior secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
from the same board in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
2019.
“After” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
After
completing my graduation I have decided to pursue my higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
level. I
also
appear for IELTS exam on 7th December 2019 and I have scored
overall
6. 5 bands.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
I have applied for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
program
in Computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Systems
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
Networking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Technician
at
Possible spelling mistake found.
Canadore
at Stanford,
Possible spelling mistake found.
scarborough
, Ontario, Canada.

I have always aspired to study something related to computer hardware and the intricacies of operating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
. I wanted to do something in my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
that is
challenging, interesting and practical. Dealing with technology and building infrastructure for mankind is
extremely
satisfying for me.

However
, I felt that my area of expertise is in IT and Computer Networking. After detail
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
, I have chosen the Computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Systems
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
Networking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Technician
, which is a two-year
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
program
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
which
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
me to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
my Analytical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
, Computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
, and provide complete knowledge of operating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
systems
and technical power solving.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
so
there is wide range of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
that I can learn after joining this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
program
. It will give me
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
great
satisfaction to invest my time in an industry
that is
enriching
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
Also
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
in Information Technology and Computer Networking offers a lifetime of excellent opportunities to progress.

Computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Systems
Networking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Technician
is the course that meets my area of expertise and suit my existing prowess. This unique trait will persuade me to sharpen the edges of my already existing competence and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
me to outshine in my walk of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
. I can forecast the benefits that I will impart by studying a diploma in Computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Systems
Networking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Technician
, which includes planning and prioritizing the tasks, executing the project with high quality, and leading in a better way.

Through my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
and analysis, I learn that the
Possible spelling mistake found.
Canadore
College is one of the largest, most diversified and
highly
respected colleges in Canada. The facilities offered by the college will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
me gain experience be it social, recreational or my personal development. I believe that
Possible spelling mistake found.
Canadore
college provide unique and interesting teaching methodologies which will advance my expertise and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
my Computer Networking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
and knowledge to prepare and deliver high-yielding project with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
.

Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Moreover
the college speaks of the diverse opportunities in computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
systems
Networking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Technician
roles, Which is why I am
eagerly
waiting to probe this exciting opportunity, which is a stepping stone for my future achievements. My
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
about the college has
also
planted a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
great
trust in the teachers who nurture
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
great
care.

I have chosen Canada as it has developed a
first
-rate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
with higher standards and global recognition. During my studies in India I realized that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
level is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
in India
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
while researching on internet I came to know that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
in Canada is more advanced. Then I searched about the future options available in India and Canada. During my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
I
Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.
learnt
that Canada not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
has a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
great
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
firsthand experience of work during their studies.

My
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
is having sufficient financial savings and annual income in order to support my
overall
expense in Canada. My
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family’s
annual income is Rs. 500000 which is sufficient to cover my
overall
expenses in Canada. I have paid CAD 14, 760. 00 as my
first
-year tuition fee and I have
also
paid living expense of $10, 035. 00 for the
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
of my stay in Canada.

Lastly
, being an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
I understand all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
visa conditions and will abide by all those while in Canada and will
Consider using "return".
return back
to my home country after completing my chosen course within
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
time period.
Further
, as I
Please check whether an article is missing: "am a genuine" or "am an genuine"
am genuine
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
, meets all eligibility criteria of being an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
, I would request you to kindly grant me Canada visa
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that I can complete my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
aims.

Thank You,

Rohit
Possible spelling mistake found.
kumar
Possible spelling mistake found.
banga
What do you think?
  • This is funny writingFunny
  • I love this writingLove
  • This writing has blown my mindWow
  • It made me angryAngry
  • It made me sadSad

IELTS essay I learn that the St. Clair College is one of the largest, most diversified and highly respected colleges in Canada. The facilities offered by the college will help me gain experience be it social, recreational or my personal development

Essay
  American English
14 paragraphs
832 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Recent posts





Get more results for topic:
  • I learn that the St. Clair College is one of the largest, most diversified and highly respected colleges in Canada. The facilities offered by the college will help me gain experience be it social, recreational or my personal development