Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

The increasing housing problem in big cities has social consequences. Some people say that only government can solve this problem. v.2

The increasing housing problem in big cities has social consequences. Some people say that only government can solve this problem. v. 2
It is a fact that population density and the increasing number of housing have created some social problems in many large cities. A group of people believe that the issue could only be solved by the government. I personally agree with the statement and the following essay will discuss it in details. It is true that the increasing population in large cities such as Jakarta, New York or Beijing has created some social issues. Firstly, as the demand for houses in big cities increase, the price of properties has risen by double or triple in the past few years. This situation has affected to the middle and lower income class, as they could not afford to buy houses in the city. Most of them purchase properties in more developed areas of the city and consequently they have to spend more money on transportation to the workplace. Secondly, the high demand of housing areas has created some environment issues. As more houses are built in the cities, the number of parks and trees become lesser and lesser these days. As we all know that trees are beneficial for human beings, as they produce oxygen and absorb pollution. Consequently, air pollution in these cities has become worst than ever these days and the number of people who have respiration problem has increased. In order to restore these conditions, it is the government task to restructure the city, as they are the one who has the power and the authority. The government should stop giving new permits for city developers. They should expand and develop new areas, therefore some of the city’s people will move to the new area and it will gradually reduce the density problem. And then, the government should set strict regulations about developing new real estates in the city, as there should be a proportionate ratio between building and green areas in the city. With a proportionate number of parks and buildings, it is hoped the city became greener and cleaner. In conclusion, I agree that it is the government task to solve the social consequences of density issue. As they have the power and the authority to resolve the issue, they should set measurable campaigns and programs to resolve the problems.
It is a fact that population density and the increasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of housing have created
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
. A group of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issue
could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be solved
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
. I
personally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the statement and the following essay will discuss it in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
.

It is true that the increasing population in large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
such as Jakarta,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
New
York or Beijing has created
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
.
Firstly
, as the demand for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
increase, the price of properties has risen by double or triple in the past few years. This situation has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
to the middle and lower income
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
, as they could not afford to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
in the city. Most of them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
properties in more developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
of the city and
consequently
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
spend more money on transportation to the workplace.
Secondly
, the high demand of housing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
has created
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
environment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
. As more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
are built
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of parks and trees become lesser and lesser these days. As we all know that trees are beneficial for human beings, as they produce oxygen and absorb pollution.
Consequently
, air pollution in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
has become
Use "iller", "worse" to make a comparison with this adjective.
worst
than ever these days and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who have respiration
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
has increased.

In order to restore these conditions, it is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
task to restructure the city, as they are the one who has the power and the authority. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
permits for city developers. They should expand and develop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
,
therefore
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of the city’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
and it will
gradually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the density
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
. And then, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should set strict regulations about developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
real estates in the city, as there should be a proportionate ratio between building and green
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
in the city. With a proportionate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of parks and buildings, it
is hoped
the city became greener and cleaner.

In conclusion
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that it is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
task to solve the social consequences of density
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issue
. As they have the power and the authority to resolve the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issue
, they should set measurable campaigns and programs to resolve the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
33Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay The increasing housing problem in big cities has social consequences. Some people say that only government can solve this problem. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
373 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts