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The growth of online shopping will one-day lead to all the shops and cities closing? do you agree or disagree

The growth of online shopping will one-day lead to all the shops and cities closing? 1mWwA
There is no doubt that these days, the online shopping has become gradually increase around the world. The question is, does the online shopping lead to close all shops and stores? In this essay, I am going to discuss that phenomenon and draw my conclusion. First of all, the majority of people inclined towards purchase all requirement from Internet. The main reason given to support this claim is that people currently prefer to compare between production when there sitting in their homes, after that they will decide what they want to buy. To illustrate, there are many websites and applications purchasing the same product, however the qualities and the prices are different. Moreover, online shopping has more benefits which get a convenient opportunity to grown faster, such as, you can buy anything everywhere then you are able to be payment with MasterCard or Visa. Secondly, although we have more and more of shops and markets, the several of them started to create a website to increase their customers. Some shops want to accelerate purchasing process, and work hard to get a customer satisfaction which is hard to collect the observation from people in different places. Also, shops require a lot money for the rent the shop and salary to staff which that encouraged traders to start own applications to reduce their money. For example, you must pay the tax for government every year. In conclusion, even though the shops approach the same product in online, online shopping has a lot of advantages which makes people to buy anything every time. Therefore, I strongly believe online shopping in the future will be lead to close all shops.
There is no doubt that these days, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
has become
gradually
increase around the world. The question is, does the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
lead to close all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
and stores? In this essay, I am going to discuss that phenomenon and draw my conclusion.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
inclined towards
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
all requirement from Internet. The main reason
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to support this claim is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
currently
prefer to compare between production when
Did you mean "they are"?
there
sitting in their homes, after that they will decide what they want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
. To illustrate, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
websites and applications purchasing the same product,
however
the qualities and the prices are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
has more benefits which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a convenient opportunity to grown faster, such as, you can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
anything everywhere then you are able to be payment with MasterCard or Visa.

Secondly
, although we have more and more of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
and markets, the several of them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to create a website to increase their customers.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
want to accelerate purchasing process, and work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a customer satisfaction which is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to collect the observation from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
places.
Also
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
require
If you mean a great quantity, use "a lot of money"?
a lot money
for the rent the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shop
and salary to staff which that encouraged traders to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
applications to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
their money.
For example
, you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
pay the tax for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
every year.

In conclusion
,
even though
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
approach the same product in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
advantages which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
anything every time.
Therefore
, I
strongly
believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
in the future will be lead to close all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
.
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IELTS essay The growth of online shopping will one-day lead to all the shops and cities closing?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
276 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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