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Admission interest in a foreign college

Admission interest in a foreign college 9YnKX
The Admission officer Mohawak College Ontario, Canada Expression of Interest to studying Global Business Management Course I am Reaz Uddin Ahmed, a citizen of Bangladesh. I did 2 years bachelor and 2 years masters from National University, Gazipur, Bangladesh. After completion masters, I start my career at Dhaka and worked there for 3 years for a group of company. Afterwards, I moved to Qatar, since 2011 to present, I am working here in Qatar. From my first job to till now, I have performed my duty in the Finance, Accounting, Purchasing and Supply chain related jobs. I have always had a keen interest in education, sports and other social activities. I was raised and grown up in the rural area of my country, and as an elder son of my parents, I have some responsibility on my family. So, after having a high desire of continuing higher study, I was unable to continue and immediately I have to start my career. But it I always thinking to obtain foreign degree from which I will enrich my knowledge. My work experience and combination of foreign degree will be definitely plus point in my career. It will definitely, help me a lot to reaches in the top positions in a company. During my stay at Qatar, I saw numerous numbers of people getting higher positions who is having a foreign degree. In my case, I feel that if I would have additional educational degree, I will also, get a high position in any company. Also, at present days education systems widen broadly in terms of methods, classes, materials, research and analysis. But in our time e have lack of all these facilities as well as modern technology. during our period we does not have enough facilities compare of modern education system which are widely enjoying by today’s pupils. Due to staying in the rural area I did not got enough facility and it’s reflects on my results. Moreover, my parents were school teacher and want me to become a true all-rounder and I always tried to become so. I am married, I have 1 son and 1 daughter they are studying in grade VII and grade V, my wife is a housewife, and all of them are staying with me from 2013. They also know my capability and always ask me to obtained a higher degree from foreign university as one of my younger brother who is working in Brunel university UK after completion of his PhD from Ireland. His results and study motivated me a lot. Therefore, I start savings some money from my earnings, I am able to save a good amount of money every month and the balance I had is sufficient enough to complete the course. Also, I have a healthy amount of property and assets and investment in my country So, I decided to peruse a course, and I will convey all my course fee by my own, I realized, if I able to complete the course successfully for financial support I do not need any assistance from any of my friends or relatives. To ensure my tuition fees and other living cost. I have been waiting for this period, for this reason I engaged me in work to earn. I have earned, save and invested. Now, I realize it is high time to start my further study. By getting this degree definitely it will increase my social dignity as well as it will support me a lot in my career. Studying in Canada, I shall be able to receive an internationally recognized education from some of the top educators and academics in the world. Canadian education stands unique is because of its strong focus on leading-edge research and development. The multicultural environment in Canada promotes friendliness and peaceful living like no other country. Canada has been consistently ranked as one of the safest nations in the world. As I am a nature lover, I always keen to see me, I am surrounded by pristine natural landscape, vibrant culture, and welcoming communities. I have searched for such diploma course in my country but unfortunately, the number of institutes I have found is not globally well recognized. And to overcome my previous academic score I believe a foreign degree will be definitely a plus. S, I have decided to go back finally to my homeland so, before that I would like to have a foreign degree before finally settled in my country. Your college are surrounded by nature, and from the internet research, I found I can meet the requirements for this course which is required by your institutions. Also, work with study facility will enhance my learning more effectively indeed. Mohawk college is situated in Ontario which is the second largest province in Canada. I believe education should always be in quiet and peaceful place, I always avoided crowded places, I love my county a lot and not decide to study there as Dhaka is the capital city and it is over populated, Pollution and noisy environment surrounds, which will be an obstacle for peaceful study. Also, for such diploma course in my country the number of institutes I have found is not globally well recognized. And to overcome my previous academic score I believe a foreign degree will be definitely a plus. I am confident having a Canadian degree I can take my career one step further. I am confident having a Canadian degree I can take my career one step further and it will be easier for me to chase the race in the job field with the present generation. Canada provides all its international students with an opportunity to work for up to 20 hours every week during semesters. Full time study with part time job is quite unthinkable here. Earning while learning here won’t be possible as like Canada. I assure that the above information is true and genuine up to my knowledge and I am ready to submit other supporting documents upon request. I have paid the first-year tuition fee of - for the winter 2022 season and looking forward to a positive response regarding my study permit to Canada. Thank you for taking time to read my humble request. thanks, with Regards,
The Admission officer

Possible spelling mistake found.
Mohawak
College

Ontario, Canada

Expression of Interest to studying Global Business Management Course

I am
Possible spelling mistake found.
Reaz
Possible spelling mistake found.
Uddin
Ahmed, a citizen of Bangladesh. I did 2 years bachelor and 2 years masters from National University,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Gazipur
, Bangladesh. After completion masters, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
start
my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
at Dhaka and worked there for 3 years for a group of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
. Afterwards, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
moved
to Qatar, since 2011 to present, I am working here in Qatar. From my
first
job to till
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
, I have performed my duty in the Finance, Accounting, Purchasing and Supply chain related jobs.

I have always had a keen interest in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
, sports and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
social activities. I
was raised
and grown up in the rural area of my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, and as an elder son of my parents, I have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
responsibility on my family.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
a high desire of continuing higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
, I was unable to continue and immediately I
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
start
my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
it
Did you mean "I'm always thinking", "I am always thinking" or "I was always thinking"?
I always thinking
to obtain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degree
from which I will enrich my knowledge. My
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
experience and combination of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degree
will be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
definitely
plus point in my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
. It will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
definitely
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
me a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
to reaches in the top positions in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
. During my stay at Qatar, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
numerous numbers of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
getting higher positions who is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degree
. In my case, I feel that if I would have additional educational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degree
, I will
also
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a high position in any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.
Also
, at present days
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
systems widen
broadly
in terms of methods, classes, materials, research and analysis.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
e have lack of all these facilities as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
as modern technology.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
during
our period we
The pronoun 'we' must be used with a non-third-person form of a verb: "do"
does
not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
facilities compare of modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
system which are
widely
enjoying by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s pupils. Due to staying in the rural area I did not
The verb 'did' requires the base form of the verb: "get"
got
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
facility and it’s reflects on my results.
Moreover
, my parents were school teacher and want me to become a true all-rounder and I always tried to become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
.

I
am married
, I have 1 son and 1 daughter they are studying in grade VII and grade V, my wife is a housewife, and all of them are staying with me from 2013. They
also
know my capability and always ask me
Did you mean "to obtain"?
to obtained
a higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degree
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
university as one of my younger brother who is working in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Brunel
university UK after completion of his PhD from Ireland. His results and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
motivated me a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
.
Therefore
, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
start
savings
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
money from my earnings, I am able to save a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
amount of money every month and the balance I had is sufficient
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to complete the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
.
Also
, I have a healthy amount of property and assets and investment in my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, I decided to peruse a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
, and I will convey all my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
fee by my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
, I realized, if
Did you mean "I am" or "I was"?
I
able to complete the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
successfully
for financial support I do not need any assistance from any of my friends or relatives. To ensure my tuition fees and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
living cost. I have been waiting for this period,
for this reason
I engaged me in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
to earn. I have earned, save and invested.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
, I realize it is high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
start
my
further
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
. By getting this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degree
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
definitely
it will increase my social dignity as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
as it will support me a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
in my career.

Studying in Canada, I shall be able to receive an
internationally
recognized
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
from
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
top educators and academics in the world. Canadian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
stands unique is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of its strong focus on leading-edge research and development. The multicultural environment in Canada promotes friendliness and peaceful living like no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. Canada has been
consistently
ranked as one of the safest nations in the world. As I am a nature lover, I always keen to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
me, I
am surrounded
by pristine natural landscape, vibrant culture, and welcoming communities.

I have searched for such diploma
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
in my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
unfortunately, the number of institutes I have found is not globally
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
recognized. And to overcome my previous academic score I believe a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degree
will be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
definitely
a plus. S, I have decided to go back
finally
to my homeland
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
that I would like to have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degree
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
finally
settled in my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. Your college
are surrounded
by nature, and from the internet research, I found I can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the requirements for this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
which
is required
by your institutions.
Also
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
facility will enhance my learning more
effectively
indeed
. Mohawk college
is situated
in Ontario which is the second largest province in Canada. I believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
should always be in quiet and peaceful place, I always avoided crowded places, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
my county a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
and not decide to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
there as Dhaka is the capital city and it is over populated, Pollution and noisy environment surrounds, which will be an obstacle for peaceful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
.
Also
, for such diploma
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
in my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
the number of institutes I have found is not globally
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
recognized. And to overcome my previous academic score I believe a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degree
will be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
definitely
a plus. I am confident
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
a Canadian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degree
I can take my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
one step
further
.

I am confident
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
a Canadian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
degree
I can take my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
one step
further
and it will be easier for me to chase the race in the job field with the present generation. Canada provides all its international students with an opportunity to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for up to 20 hours every week during semesters. Full
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
with part
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
job is quite unthinkable here. Earning while learning here won’t be possible as like Canada.

I assure that the above information is true and genuine up to my
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
knowledge and
I am ready to submit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
supporting documents upon request. I have paid the
first
-year tuition fee of
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
for the winter 2022 season and looking forward to a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
response regarding my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
permit to Canada. Thank you for taking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to read my humble request.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
thanks
, with Regards,

IELTS essay Admission interest in a foreign college

Essay
  American English
9 paragraphs
1041 words
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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