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THE GROWTH OF ONLINE SHOPPING WILL ONE DAY LEAD TO ALL SHOPS IN TOWN AND CITIES CLOSING. DO YOU AGREE OR DISAGREE?

THE GROWTH OF ONLINE SHOPPING WILL ONE DAY LEAD TO ALL SHOPS IN TOWN AND CITIES CLOSING. 96aLx
A day will come when shops will be closed in towns and cities due to the increase in internet shopping. I cannot agree with this statement as it is not reliable to shop without actually seeing a product as well as there is always a possibility of receiving a defective product. Shopping through e-commerce websites is trending now a days because of the ease and different benefits it has but choosing a commodity by seeing different pictures only, without having its actual look is unreliable as when it is delivered it looks different than it was shown in pictures. So, it is better if you go and choose a product by giving a visit to a shop. Furthermore, there is possibility of receiving damaged things which will eventually waste your time and will need more efforts to file a complaint and return it back. As the advertisements and products listing on the websites are very attractive and there aim is to capture the attention of online customers, one needs not to trust blindly and get deceived by these eye catching photos because these might lead them to a wrong purchase. An online research has shown a large number of people who had regret after receiving the items they purchased online. To conclude, the reliability of shopping through internet is very low and one can be mislead regarding the choice and quality of the product. In my opinion, the shops and stores are not in danger as going to an actual shop and see the products in person is always a better option.
A day will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
will
be closed
in towns and cities due to the increase in internet shopping. I cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement as it is not reliable to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shop
without actually seeing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
as well
as there is always a possibility of receiving a defective product.

Shopping through e-commerce websites is trending
Did you mean "nowadays"?
now a days
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
benefits it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
choosing a commodity by seeing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
pictures
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
, without having its actual look is unreliable as when it
is delivered
it looks
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
Did you mean 'different "from"? 'Different than' is often considered colloquial style.
than
it
was shown
in pictures.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, it is better if you go and choose a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
by giving a visit to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shop
.
Furthermore
, there is possibility of receiving damaged things which will
eventually
waste your time and will need more efforts to file a complaint and return it back.

As the advertisements and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
listing on the websites are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
attractive and there aim is to capture the attention of online customers, one needs not to trust
blindly
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
deceived by these
'eye catching' seems to be a compound adjective in front of a noun. Use a hyphen: "eye-catching".
eye catching
photos
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
these might lead them to a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
. An online research has shown
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who had regret after receiving the items they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchased
online.

To conclude
, the reliability of shopping through internet is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
low and one can be
Consider using the past participle "misled"?
mislead
regarding the choice and quality of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
. In my opinion, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
and stores are not in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
as going to an actual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shop
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
in person is always a better option.
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IELTS essay THE GROWTH OF ONLINE SHOPPING WILL ONE DAY LEAD TO ALL SHOPS IN TOWN AND CITIES CLOSING.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
262 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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