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The growing number people is putting a strain on the health care system in an effort to deal with the health issues involved. Some people think that tge best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical lessons in the school curriculum. To wh v.2

The growing number people is putting a strain on the health care system in an effort to deal with the health issues involved. Some people think that tge best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical lessons in the school curriculum. To wh v. 2
Oweing to the problems of obesity which is bieng escalating enormously. However, many people consider that school should start such programmes and clasaes in the curriculum. In my opinion, i completely agree that this would reduce the health problems. To begin with, pupil usually start gaining their weight at the age of below twenty, sometimes weight issues comes in contact in early stage of adoloscents. So it is eminent that schools should increase the extracurriculum sports activities and other physical education related events should also be assigned. As we know that many schools has recently opened the yoga and gym facilities which have huge range of equipments to loss weight, increase height and so on. Hence, by doing these changes ang giving opportunity to students would play pivotal role so hey would access to learn about ecercises to stay fit. Moreover, their must be some campaigns and programmes in the school schedules which would give the chance to the students to participate and release theor strength by watching these events other would also like to follow that same path. Therefore, it would result in changing the eating habbits. Furthermore, the family members of the children will also like to give them company and would motivate and appreciate. Hence, this would led to reduce the health issues in the families too and would successful as long lasting effect. All in all what have been discussed above i pen down by saying that these physical awareness and classes would led to reduce the deteriorating health problems.
Oweing
to the problems of obesity which is
bieng
escalating
enormously
.
However
,
many
people
consider that
school
should
start
such
programmes
and
clasaes
in the curriculum. In my opinion,
i
completely
agree
that this would
reduce
the health problems.

To
begin
with, pupil
usually
start
gaining their weight at the age of below twenty,
sometimes
weight issues
comes
in contact in early stage of
adoloscents
.
So
it is eminent that
schools
should increase the
extracurriculum
sports activities and other physical education related
events
should
also
be assigned
. As we know that
many
schools
has recently opened the yoga and gym facilities which have huge range of equipments to loss weight, increase height and
so
on.
Hence
, by doing these
changes
ang giving opportunity to students would play pivotal role
so
hey would access to learn about
ecercises
to stay fit.

Moreover
, their
must
be
some
campaigns and
programmes
in the
school
schedules which would give the chance to the students to participate and release
theor
strength by watching these
events
other would
also
like to follow that same path.
Therefore
, it would result in changing the eating
habbits
.
Furthermore
, the family members of the children will
also
like to give them
company
and would motivate and appreciate.
Hence
, this would
led
to
reduce
the health issues in the families too and would successful as
long lasting
effect.

All in all what have
been discussed
above
i
pen down by saying that these physical awareness and classes would
led
to
reduce
the deteriorating health problems.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
15Mistakes

IELTS essay The growing number people is putting a strain on the health care system in an effort to deal with the health issues involved. Some people think that tge best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical lessons in the school curriculum. To wh v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
254 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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