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The growing number of overweight people is putting a strain on the health care system in an effort to deal with the health issues involved.some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education lessons in the scholl curriculum.TO what extent do you agree or disagree?

The growing number of overweight people is putting a strain on the health care system in an effort to deal with the health issues involved. some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education lessons in the scholl curriculum. ByKp
Obesity become a major problem in recent decade. Some people claim that this burning issues has a harmful effect on health care system so one part reckon that by introducing physical lessons in school syllabus is main remedies. In my opinion learning from childhood can be a solution but not best way. A number of arguments support my opinion. Though, many people think initiating physical study from beginning stage of personal life will completely reduced overweight it is not true all time. Sometimes young children can not understand or can not carry their learning through life. they often fail to execute their education in later life owing to different circumstances. For example, young people fond of cycling but as they become adult they can not continue this habit due to lack of time. So it is clear that school learning could be a good step but not the best one. On the other hand, we are now living in a technological era that's why most of the work is machine oriented. Due to this reason, people sit back hour after hour in front of computer or laptop. lack of exercise they face various health concern. Furthermore, social networking, you tubing, gaming on-screen increase the chance to become lazy. However, for solving this problem technology should be used up to a certain limit at the same time regular exercise should continue routine base. In addition, present days people especially young generation very much addicted to fast food or junk food. these types food has low nutritive below which has adverse effect on body mechanism. Resarch shows that, junk food contain 30% fatty acid, 65% cholesterol that is alarming component. so home-made balance diet is highly recommended for ensuring safe health. At the end of the day, presenting more physical lesson in school curriculum can be beneficial but other reason should be considered. Balanced died, home made healthy food, routine exercise all are linked together for maintain
Obesity become a major problem in recent decade.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
claim that this burning issues has a harmful effect on health care system
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
one part reckon that by introducing physical lessons in school syllabus is main remedies. In my opinion learning from childhood can be a solution
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
A determiner is probably missing here: "not the best".
not best
way. A number of arguments support my opinion.

“Though” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Though
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
initiating physical study from beginning stage of personal life will completely
The verb 'will' requires the base form of the verb: "reduce"
reduced
overweight it is not true all time.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
young children can not understand or can not carry their learning through life.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
fail to execute their education in later life owing to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
circumstances.
For example
, young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
fond of cycling
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
as they become adult they can not continue this habit due to lack of time.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that school learning could be a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
step
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not the best one.

On the other hand
, we are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
living in a technological era that's why most of the work is machine oriented. Due to this reason,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
sit back hour after hour in front of computer or laptop.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
lack
of exercise they face various health concern.
Furthermore
, social networking,
Did you mean "you're tubing", "you are tubing", or "you were tubing"?
you tubing
, gaming on-screen increase the chance to become lazy.
However
, for solving this problem technology should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
up to a certain limit at the same time regular exercise should continue routine base.

In addition
, present days
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
especially
young generation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
much addicted to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
or junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
these
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "types'" or "type's"?
types
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
has low nutritive below which has adverse effect on body mechanism.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Resarch
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that, junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
contain 30% fatty acid, 65% cholesterol
that is
alarming component.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
so
home-made balance diet is
highly
recommended for ensuring safe health.

At the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the day, presenting more physical lesson in school curriculum can be beneficial
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
other reason should
be considered
. Balanced
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
died
, home made healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
, routine exercise all
are linked
together for
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
maintain
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IELTS essay The growing number of overweight people is putting a strain on the health care system in an effort to deal with the health issues involved. some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education lessons in the scholl curriculum.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
324 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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