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people often believe tat great musicians are born and not made. Do you agree that we are born with much of our ability, or are there other factors, such as family and environment that determine success

people often believe tat great musicians are born and not made. Do you agree that we are born with much of our ability, or are there other factors, such as family and environment that determine success gJjd
People sometimes imagine that prominent musicians were made by inborn skill rather than lenghty training process. While I agree that someone should have innate talent, I accept other factors including family background also considered for defining the success. Many people would argue that improvement of the life always depend on the natural skills, due to the fact they believe if person has a instinct about certain field, it will convenient for them to grasp the subject quickly compared to their peers. Further more over the time their skill and talent will grow without much more perseverence. Although, this notion has some doubts, several top notch members of numerous fields proved it right. for instance Mozart had composed the sympony before he reached age 20 and his short life span of 32 years he played around the europe than any other composer at that time. However sometimes persons with influential family background and huge financial assets have some advantage over others in the path of success. if someone want to climb through the ladder and become a star in their field, their family ties, school, sometimes race will have a priority over their natural ability. For example Michal Jackson was a black person when he was singing in the early eighties but he changed his skin colour to white in fact he believed it might assist him to firm establishment in white dominated music market in north america and europe. To sum up, according to the general opinion of the society, I belive that natural skill will help someone to learn and understand about certain fields efficiently, on the contrary their family connections and other assets also play a crucial role in pathto the prosperity.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
imagine that prominent musicians
were made
by inborn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
rather
than
Possible spelling mistake found.
lenghty
training process. While I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that someone should have innate talent, I accept
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
factors including
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
background
also
considered for defining the success.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
would argue that improvement of the life always depend on the natural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
, due to the fact they believe if person has
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
instinct about certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
, it
It seems that a verb or adverb has been misspelled or is missing here.
will convenient
for them to grasp the subject
quickly
compared to their peers.
Further
more over the time their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
and talent will grow without much more
Possible spelling mistake found.
perseverence
. Although, this notion has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
doubts, several
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
top notch
members of numerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fields
proved it right.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
for
instance Mozart had composed the
Possible spelling mistake found.
sympony
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
he reached age 20 and his short life span of 32 years he played around the
Possible spelling mistake found.
europe
than any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
composer at that time.

Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
persons with influential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
background and huge financial assets have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
advantage over others in the path of success.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
if
someone
The pronoun 'someone' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "wants", "wanted".
want
to climb through the ladder and become a star in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
, their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
ties, school,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
race will have a priority over their natural ability.
For example
Possible spelling mistake found.
Michal
Jackson was a black person when he was singing in the early eighties
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
his skin
Possible spelling mistake. 'colour' is British English.
colour
to white in fact he believed it might assist him to firm establishment in white dominated music market in
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
north america
and
Possible spelling mistake found.
europe
.

To sum up, according to the general opinion of the society,
Did you mean "I believe"?
I belive
that natural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
someone to learn and understand about certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fields
efficiently
,
on the contrary
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
connections and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
assets
also
play a crucial role in
Possible spelling mistake found.
pathto
the prosperity.
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IELTS essay people often believe tat great musicians are born and not made. Do you agree that we are born with much of our ability, or are there other factors, such as family and environment that determine success

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
284 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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