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There are different approaches on how the children should spend their free time, as many defends children should be encouraged by parents to participate in orginised group activities where there are some believes that kids should find their own passion and learn to follow their interests.

There are different approaches on how the children should spend their free time, as many defends children should be encouraged by parents to participate in orginised group activities where there are some believes that kids should find their own passion and learn to follow their interests. lklX
There are different approaches on how the children should spend their free time, as many defends children should be encouraged by parents to participate in orginised group activities where there are some believes that kids should find their own passion and learn to follow their interests. I will discuss both views and my stand point for this topic. There are some valid points on why the children should be encouraged and guided to be involed in activites by parents. Firstly, one of the challenging tasks of the parenting is ensuring healthy physical, cognitive and social development of the child. It is parents responsibility to observe the behaviour of the child and guide it accordingly to improve the weaknesses and strenghten the stronger characteristics. Therefore, parents should analyse and help their kid to get the most of the activities he can get access to. As an example if the child has social anxiety and avoids playing with others the parent should seek group activities where he can experiment with talking to others in safe environment. Secondly, in order to ensure the safety, parent has theobligation to research the facility and the competency of the caretakers that their child is intend to spend time with. On the other hand, some would argue this approach limits the learning capability of the young and children should decide on how to spend their free time on their own. Physicology of a child is delicate and easily impacted. While an attempt of an adult trying to guide for better, one can misjudge the needs of their offsprings and actually impair their ability to build their social skills, as decision making and damage their self-esteem. Another point is, considiration of generation gap such as in average a parent will have 20-25 year age difference with their child. What he/she considered to be beneficial might be outdated for the child. For example, my parents did not have the technology to play video games and today they consider it waste of time and they constantly pressure my younger brother. However today gaming became a sport between teenagers where they actively enage with each other. If my brother have listened, he would have never been interested in getting involved with computer science and graphic design. In conclusion, both ideas are genuine in its own way. Sometimes it is important to get involved and provide a bit of push to ensure the development. However, I think it is important for the child to find their way on their own as it is impossible to estimate on needs. In my opinion parents should listen, research and support their childrens interests for healthy improvement.
There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
approaches on how the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should spend their free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
defends
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
be encouraged
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to participate in
Possible spelling mistake found.
orginised
group activities where there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
believes that kids should find their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
passion and learn to follow their interests. I will discuss both views and my stand point for this topic.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
valid points on why the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
be encouraged
and guided to be
Possible spelling mistake found.
involed
in
Possible spelling mistake found.
activites
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
Firstly
, one of the challenging tasks of the parenting is ensuring healthy physical, cognitive and social development of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
. It is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
responsibility to observe the
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
and guide it
accordingly
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the weaknesses and
Possible spelling mistake found.
strenghten
the stronger characteristics.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should
Possible spelling mistake. 'analyse' is British English.
analyse
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
their kid to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the most of the activities he can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
access to. As an example if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
has social anxiety and avoids playing with others the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
should seek group activities where he can experiment with talking to others in safe environment.
Secondly
, in order to ensure the safety,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
has
Possible spelling mistake found.
theobligation
to research the facility and the competency of the caretakers that their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
is
Consider using a past participle here: "intended".
intend
to spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
would argue this approach limits the learning capability of the young and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should decide on how to spend their free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Physicology
of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
is delicate and
easily
impacted. While an attempt of an adult trying to guide for better, one can misjudge the needs of their
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "offspring", the plural form of the noun 'offspring'?
offsprings
and actually impair their ability to build their social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, as
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
decision making
and damage their self-esteem. Another point is,
Possible spelling mistake found.
considiration
of generation gap such as in average a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
will have 20-25 year age difference with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
. What he/she considered to be beneficial might
be outdated
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
.
For example
, my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
did not have the technology to play video games and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
they consider it waste of
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
time and
they
constantly
pressure my younger brother.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
gaming became a sport between
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
where they
actively
Possible spelling mistake found.
enage
with each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
. If my brother have listened, he would have never
been interested
in getting involved with computer science and graphic design.

In conclusion
, both
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
are genuine in its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
way.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
involved and provide a bit of push to ensure the development.
However
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
to find their way on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
as it is impossible to estimate on needs. In my opinion
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should listen, research and support their
Possible spelling mistake found.
childrens
The usual collocation for "interests" is "in" not "for". Did you mean "interests in"?
interests for
healthy improvement.
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IELTS essay There are different approaches on how the children should spend their free time, as many defends children should be encouraged by parents to participate in orginised group activities where there are some believes that kids should find their own passion and learn to follow their interests.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
441 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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