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Some people say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organised group activities in their free time. Others say that it is important for children to learn how to keep themselves occupied on their own. Discuss both the views and give your own opinion

Some people say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organised group activities in their free time. Others say that it is important for children to learn how to keep themselves occupied on their own. Discuss both the views and give your own opinion P6qJ
Development of children is one of the greatest worry or issue of every new parents. Every individual parent crave to provide the best upbringing to their kid in either of the ways which they can do. Where some people encourage their child to occupy their time playing or engaging with organized group activities whereas some parents teach their kids to keep themselves occupied on their own. Before coming to my opinion I would like to focus on few arguments about the same. At starters, it is very essential for kids to learn how to keep themselves engage in any work they do on their own. Parents usually do not have much time to concentrate or focus on their kids since they are working professionals now a days. This is the vital reason why few parents feels, their kids should learn how to get them busy by their own. This habitual can make the kid responsible, but on the other side it makes them isolated. Therefore, such kids do not have habit to live with or get adjust with group of people. They have lower ability to work in teams and make it difficult of them to move on in such conditions. Whereas, on other hand few parents encourage their children to take part in organized group activities in their leisure time. This make children to fell confident and increase their communication skills. Being surrounded by group of people, it help kidsto know how to work in team and get knowledge of other's culture and thought process. To conclusion, it is essential for kids to learn how to engage themselves in their work by their own since, this makes them individual and independent while on another side of coin, it is equally important for kids to learn to take part in playing group activities in their leisure time, so that they can build up the confidence level and upfront the society.
Development of children is one of the greatest worry or issue of every new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. Every individual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
crave to provide the best upbringing to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kid
in either of the ways which they can do. Where
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
encourage their child to occupy their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
playing or engaging with organized
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
activities whereas
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
teach their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
themselves occupied on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
.
“Before” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Before
coming to my opinion I would like to focus on few arguments about the same.

At starters, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
essential for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
themselves engage in any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
they do on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
usually
do not have much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to concentrate or focus on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
since they are working professionals
Did you mean "nowadays"?
now a days
. This is the vital reason why few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
feels, their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
them busy by their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
. This habitual can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kid
responsible,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
on the other side it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
them isolated.
Therefore
, such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
do not have habit to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
with or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
adjust with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. They have lower ability to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in teams and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
it difficult of them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
on in such conditions.

“Whereas” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Whereas
, on other hand few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
encourage their children to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in organized
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
activities in their leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
children to fell confident and increase their communication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
Being surrounded
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, it
Did you mean "helps"?
help
Possible spelling mistake found.
kidsto
know how to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in team and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
knowledge of other's culture and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
process.

To conclusion, it is essential for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
how to engage themselves in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
by their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
since, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
them individual and independent while on another side of coin, it is
equally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
activities in their leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can build up the confidence level and upfront the society.
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IELTS essay Some people say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organised group activities in their free time. Others say that it is important for children to learn how to keep themselves occupied on their own. Discuss both the views and give your own opinion

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
320 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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