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Some people today believe that the world's increase in population is unsustainable and will eventually lead to a global crisis. Other people believe that world population increase is necessary and beneficial as it creates the growth of world's economy and society. Discussed both these views and give your opinion. v.1

Some people today believe that the world's increase in population is unsustainable and will eventually lead to a global crisis. Other people believe that world population increase is necessary and beneficial as it creates the growth of world's economy and society. Discussed both these views and give your opinion. v. 1
The world is witnessing the dramatic increase in the case of human population. The two different groups reckon whether an enormous population can cause a tremendous global crisis, would it really be proved as the escalation of the world's economy as well as society? Both aspects would be mentioned in forthcoming paragraphs. Focusing on certain detrimental influences of having countless population. To inaugurate with, having more human population means more need of resources, whether it is food, shelter or clothes. For the fulfilment of this rudimentary requisites, people would use more water, plants and this paves the way towards the declining of natural resources. What is more, instead of protecting the environment they tend to spread a substantial amount of pollution, which has a repercussion not only on human but also on other living organisms. Consequently, the chances of the global crisis are more when there is more population on earth. In addition, it is quite strenuous to survive in malignant competition so that the worst condition could be placed due to conflict and competition between each and every person. On the flip side, a second group of thinkers think that the world economy status could be ameliorated by having more mankind. To commence with, they assert that for working manpower is essential and it has a vital role in the economy. For instance, if the world had more people, they would work more to reach at the remarkable momentum of economics. As a result, a good standard of life could be provided by better the world's economy. Moreover, they reckon that many people can work together for their entire community in various sectors such as discovery and research. Having discussed both the arguments and counter arguments, I would like to refer that although many things could be done by people, constant increase in inhabitants has adverse effects on the entire world.
The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
is witnessing the dramatic increase in the case of human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
. The two
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
groups reckon whether an enormous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
can cause a tremendous global crisis, would it
really
be proved
as the escalation of the world's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economy
as well
as society? Both aspects would
be mentioned
in forthcoming paragraphs.

Focusing on certain detrimental influences of having countless
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
. To inaugurate with, having more human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
means more need of resources, whether it is food, shelter or clothes. For the
Possible spelling mistake. 'fulfilment' is British English.
fulfilment
of this rudimentary requisites,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
more water, plants and this paves the way towards the declining of natural resources.
What is more
,
instead
of protecting the environment they tend to spread a substantial amount of pollution, which has a repercussion not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
on human
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
on other living organisms.
Consequently
, the chances of the global crisis are more when there is more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
population
on earth.
In addition
, it is quite strenuous to survive in malignant competition
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that the worst condition could
be placed
due to conflict and competition between each and every person.

On the flip side, a second group of thinkers
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "thinks"? (Some collective nouns can be treated as both singular and plural, so 'think' is not always incorrect.)
think
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economy
status could
be ameliorated
by having more mankind. To commence with, they assert that for working manpower is essential and it has a vital role in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economy
.
For instance
, if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
had more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, they would work more to reach at the remarkable momentum of economics.
As a result
, a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
standard of life could
be provided
by better the world's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economy
.
Moreover
, they reckon that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can work together for their entire community in various sectors such as discovery and research.

Having discussed both the arguments and counter arguments, I would like to refer that although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things could
be done
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, constant increase in inhabitants has adverse effects on the entire
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people today believe that the world's increase in population is unsustainable and will eventually lead to a global crisis. Other people believe that world population increase is necessary and beneficial as it creates the growth of world's economy and society. Discussed both these views and give your opinion. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
312 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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