Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

The growing number of overweight people is putting a strain on the health care system. Some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education lessons in school curriculum

The growing number of overweight people is putting a strain on the health care system. Some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education lessons in school curriculum 7m52
Some people believe that more physical education lessons in the school curriculum will help individuals to combat with overweight related problems. In my opinion, this approach will help people to adapt healthier and more active life style. This, in turn, will reduce the burden on the government to contribute to the health-care. First of all, in order to stay physically fit and well being active is essential. Owning to the fact that there is an increase in the fast food consumption, there is an increase in rates of obesity amongst children. Obesity and being overweight causes numerous health issues namely diabetes and cardiac diseases. Secondly, hospitals are spending enormous amount of their fundings to treat such diseases. Thus, adding extra physical education lessons during school time, will help pupils to adapt a healthier life-style, as they tend to keep their habits when they learn at a young age. Accordingly, adding more sports classes will help children to show more attraction to different kind of sports and parents usually try to keep up with their children’s interest. Hence, by adding additional physical education classes to school curriculum not only the students will be more active but also their parents as well. For instance, scientists suggest at least one of hour exercise daily and if children want to participate in sports, their family will be encouraged to do so along with them. In addition, when individuals are exercising they tend to eat healthier meals and all of these factors combined will reduce the overall weight related health conditions and save tons of money to hospitals. In conclusion, I believe imparting physical education at the right age will help educating a healthy generation, fight overweight problems and reduce government spending in the health care sector.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
lessons in the school curriculum will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
individuals to combat with overweight related problems. In my opinion, this approach will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to adapt healthier and more active life style. This, in turn, will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the burden on the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to contribute to the health-care.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, in order to stay
physically
fit and
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well being
active is essential. Owning to the fact that there is an increase in the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
food consumption, there is an increase in rates of obesity amongst
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. Obesity and being overweight causes numerous health issues
namely
diabetes and cardiac diseases.
Secondly
, hospitals are spending enormous amount of their
Possible spelling mistake found.
fundings
to treat such diseases.
Thus
, adding extra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
lessons during school time, will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
pupils to adapt a healthier life-style, as they tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
their habits when they learn at a young age.

Accordingly
, adding more sports classes will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
more attraction to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
kind of sports and parents
usually
try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
up with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
interest.
Hence
, by adding additional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
classes to school curriculum not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the students will be more active
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
their parents
as well
.
For instance
, scientists suggest at least one of hour exercise daily and if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
want to participate in sports, their family will
be encouraged
to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
along with them.
In addition
, when individuals are exercising they tend to eat healthier meals and all of these factors combined will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
overall
weight related health conditions and save tons of money to hospitals.

In conclusion
, I believe imparting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
at the right age will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
The verb 'help' is used with an infinitive: "to educate" or "educate".
educating
a healthy generation, fight overweight problems and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
spending in the health care sector.
What do you think?
  • This is funny writingFunny
  • I love this writingLove
  • This writing has blown my mindWow
  • It made me angryAngry
  • It made me sadSad

IELTS essay The growing number of overweight people is putting a strain on the health care system. Some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education lessons in school curriculum

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
292 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Recent posts