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Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programs (for example: working for a charity, improving the neighborhood or teaching sports to younger children)

Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programs (for example: working for a charity, improving the neighborhood or teaching sports to younger children) 2k6b
This is true that, unpaid community service today is so important. However, some people assert that it should be a compulsory part of high school programs. For instance, teaching sports to younger generation, etc. …. Admittedly, I believe that the unpaid community service is no longer necessary for high school programs owing to innumerable compelling reasons. To begin with, the most rational justification is that unpaid community service does have a large number of positive effects which are by no means negligible such as, making money is not any think we need. That is, working compulsory in unpaid community service, students learn how they may indeed overcome to do a works correctly. A good illustration of this is working free to lay the grand work for students to find their own abilities. This in turn, the more high school students have to work gratuitous, the more opportunities they may have to find better occupation base on their abilities. This is because, they choose a work that is more compatible with their own personality. However, another result of unpaid community service is young students may never find how much their work is worthwhile. To put tit differently, students who work compatible may actually confuse in their own reality work life and then may indeed have problem with their employer more and more because they do have no idea about their income. Students, furthermore, may fall in bad situation with co-workers after high school. Simply put, they may do not have idea about others job worth. Take people who work with minimum wage for example. The more ones work with minimum wage, The more think other works are cheap. To sum up, considering the point discussed above, the most rational conclusion to be drown is that whilst I can accept that the unpaid community service is useful, I cannot agree that it is today still strongly the best means of high school programs and I think we have to guard against the unpaid community service.
This is true that, unpaid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
assert that it should be a compulsory part of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
programs.
For instance
, teaching sports to younger generation, etc. ….
Admittedly
, I believe that the unpaid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
is no longer necessary for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
programs owing to innumerable compelling reasons.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the most rational justification is that unpaid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
does have
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects which are by no means negligible such as, making money is not any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
we need.
That is
, working compulsory in unpaid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
learn how they may
indeed
overcome to do
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "a work" or simply "works"?
a works
correctly
. A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
illustration of this is working free to lay the grand
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to find their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
abilities. This in turn, the more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
gratuitous, the more opportunities they may
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
find better occupation base on their abilities. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, they choose a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
that is
more compatible with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
personality.

However
, another result of unpaid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
is young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
may never find how much their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
is worthwhile. To put tit
differently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
compatible may actually confuse in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
reality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
life and then may
indeed
have problem with their employer more and more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they do have no
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
about their income.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
,
furthermore
, may fall in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
situation with co-workers after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
.
Simply
put, they may do not have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
about others job worth. Take
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
with minimum wage
for example
. The more ones
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
with minimum wage, The more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
other works are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cheap
.

To sum up, considering the point discussed above, the most rational conclusion to be
Consider using a past participle here: "drowned".
drown
is that whilst I can accept that the unpaid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
is useful, I cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
still
strongly
the best means of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
programs and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
guard against the unpaid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
.
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IELTS essay Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programs (for example: working for a charity, improving the neighborhood or teaching sports to younger children)

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
333 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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