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The graph below shows the percentage of people who travelled by bus in the UK from 2009 to 2011. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant v.1

The graph below shows the percentage of people who travelled by bus in the UK from 2009 to 2011.
Technology advancement has taken an edge over in many fields. Some people believe that it is due to the increase in technology, certain skills like handwriting should be neglected whereas others portray handwriting to be a vital skill. However, I strongly believe that it is no longer necessary for people to expertise in handwriting. Firstly, we live in an era where computers and laptops are being widely used by people personally as well as professionally. People do not use handwritten letters to communicate. Instead, in this modern period, humans make contact via emails or typed letters. To exemplify this, a large number of organizations are solely dependent on computers to print the information. Secondly, schools, colleges and universities also rely on the technology. Students give their exams online via computers and laptops. A report shows that examinations in most universities are being taken on computers lately. This system has entirely replaced the paper delivered exam system. Therefore, it is absurd to waste time on learning a competency which would be of no benefit. Thirdly, now government is also encouraging the use of electronic media for conveying their messages to the public. To illustrate this, the government also disseminates information via typed public notices rather than handwritten ones. On the flip side, mastering in handwriting enhances creativity. Attractive handwriting promotes an individual's ability to portray their thoughts well on a paper. Furthermore, people with elegant handwriting are praised which boost their confidence level. To conclude, I trust usage of handwriting skill is becoming obsolete with advancement in technology, it is essential as it proves to be a waste of time.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Technology
advancement has taken an edge over in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
fields.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that it is due to the increase in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
, certain
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
handwriting
should
be neglected
whereas others portray
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
handwriting
to be a vital
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
.
However
, I
strongly
believe that it is no longer necessary for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to expertise in handwriting.

Firstly
, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in an era where computers and laptops are being
widely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
personally
as well
as
professionally
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
handwritten letters to communicate.
Instead
, in this modern period, humans
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
contact via emails or typed letters. To exemplify this,
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
organizations are
solely
dependent on computers to print the information.

Secondly
, schools, colleges and universities
also
rely on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
. Students give their exams online via computers and laptops. A report
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that examinations in most universities are
being taken
on computers lately. This system has
entirely
replaced the paper delivered exam system.
Therefore
, it is absurd to waste time on learning a competency which would be of no benefit.

Thirdly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
is
also
encouraging the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of electronic media for conveying their messages to the public. To illustrate this, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
also
disseminates information via typed public notices
rather
than handwritten ones.

On the flip side, mastering in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
handwriting
enhances creativity. Attractive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
handwriting
promotes an individual's ability to portray their thoughts well on a paper.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with elegant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
handwriting
are praised
which boost their confidence level.

To conclude
, I trust usage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
handwriting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
is becoming obsolete with advancement in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
, it is essential as it proves to be a waste of time.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The graph below shows the percentage of people who travelled by bus in the UK from 2009 to 2011.

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
269 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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