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The graph below shows the percentage of people in different age groups in one city who attended music concerts between 2010 and 2015 v.1

The graph below shows the percentage of people in different age groups in one city who attended music concerts between 2010 and 2015 v. 1
Nuclear technology facilitates in providing cheap and clean energy. There is also a threat because of nuclear weapons. I strongly believe that the benefits clearly outweigh the disadvantages. I shall discuss my arguments in detail in this essay. The other major contributor of energy generation, apart from the nuclear energy, is the energy produced with water in dams. However, producing energy in dams is cumbersome and completely dependent on precipitation in mountainous areas. Also, the energy produced in dams is not sufficient enough to cater the needs of the energy requirements in today's world. Energy generated by nuclear technology, on the other hand, is much more clean and cheap. On the contrary, it also poses threat in the form of nuclear weapons. Another viewpoint is that the nuclear weapons have not been used after the world war 2. Clearly, it has been a deterrent to the countries and world peace is maintained. Countries could also restrict the use of nuclear weapons by implementing international laws as a solution to this problem. Additionally, other forms of energies like wind, coal and oil are either obsolete or insufficient. Some other new forms of energy generation are at the initial stage of research and application. Nuclear technology is the only easiest and cleanest way to generate energy at the moment. To conclude, it can be said that as of now, the nuclear technology is the only and best way to generate energy. There are some threats due to nuclear weapons which cannot be overlooked. However, the benefits of nuclear technology are much more that the disadvantages.
Nuclear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
facilitates in providing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cheap
and clean
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
. There is
also
a threat
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of nuclear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weapons
. I
strongly
believe that the benefits
clearly
outweigh the disadvantages. I shall discuss my arguments in detail in this essay.

The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
major contributor of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
generation, apart from the nuclear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
, is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
produced with water in dams.
However
, producing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
in dams is cumbersome and completely dependent on precipitation in mountainous areas.
Also
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
produced in dams is not sufficient
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to cater the needs of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
requirements in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's world.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Energy
generated by nuclear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
, on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, is much more clean and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cheap
.

On the contrary
, it
also
poses threat in the form of nuclear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weapons
. Another viewpoint is that the nuclear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weapons
have not been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
after the
Capitalize specific historic events, episodes, and eras.
world war 2
.
Clearly
, it has been a deterrent to the countries and world peace
is maintained
. Countries could
also
restrict the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of nuclear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weapons
by implementing international laws as a solution to this problem.

Additionally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
forms of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energies
like wind, coal and oil are either obsolete or insufficient.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
new forms of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
generation are at the initial stage of research and application. Nuclear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
easiest and cleanest way to generate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
at the moment.

To conclude
, it can
be said
that as of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
, the nuclear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
and best way to generate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
threats due to nuclear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weapons
which cannot
be overlooked
.
However
, the benefits of nuclear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
are much more that the disadvantages.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The graph below shows the percentage of people in different age groups in one city who attended music concerts between 2010 and 2015 v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
263 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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