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The government's investment in arts, music and theatre is a waste of money. Governments should invest these funds in public services instead. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

The government's investment in arts, music and theatre is a waste of money. Governments should invest these funds in public services instead. dPRp
Many people believe that government’s investment of funds on recreational activities like arts, music and theatres is a wastage and should be instead redirected on improving public services. While I support this opinion partially, I believe in engaging most funds towards public services and investing small portions on these recreational activities. On one side, recreational activity like arts, music and theaters are important to be promoted in a country. Investments in these sectors will help in preserving a country’s culture and tradition. Additionally, such investments will encourage nation’s young talent and help them pursue them as their careers. For instance, a recent survey from Berkley university’s musical department indicates that there is 10 percent increase in children’s interest towards music after California’s mayor initiated musical campaigns in various parts of the country. As such steps show us a positive result, I encourage governments to invest small portions of its funds towards such recreational activities for encouraging cultural interest in children. On the other hand, it is utmost responsibility of government to instill public services and improve them for the sake of its citizen’s health and safety. With ever increasing diseases around the world, governments should consider increasing priority in investing enormous amounts on scientific research and in providing emergency hospital services. Such early funding in these public services will keep a county ready to fight against deadly pandemics like SARS COVID-19. Additionally, providing safer roads for transportation has become essential in current fast-paced world. For example, in India, 30 percent of deaths are alone caused by road accidents due to their poor condition and maintenance. Considering such losses, it is government’s responsibility to put public services in first place while allocating annual budgets for its citizen’s welfare. To conclude on my opinion, though arts and music help in promoting a nation’s culture and encourage talent, a higher priority should be given to improving public services and be allocated with higher percentage of funds compared to the former.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government’s
investment of funds on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
recreational
activities like arts,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
and
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatres' is British English.
theatres
is a wastage and should be
instead
redirected on improving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
. While I support this opinion
partially
, I believe in engaging most funds towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
and investing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
portions on these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
recreational
activities.

On one side,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
recreational
activity like arts,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
and theaters are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to
be promoted
in a country. Investments in these sectors will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in preserving a country’s culture and tradition.
Additionally
, such investments will encourage nation’s young talent and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them pursue them as their careers.
For instance
, a recent survey from Berkley university’s musical department indicates that there is 10 percent increase in children’s interest towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
after California’s mayor initiated musical campaigns in various parts of the country. As such steps
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
us a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
result, I encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
to invest
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
portions of its funds towards such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
recreational
activities for encouraging cultural interest in children.

On the other hand
, it is utmost responsibility of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
to instill
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
them for the sake of its citizen’s health and safety. With
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
ever increasing
diseases around the world,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
should consider increasing priority in investing enormous amounts on scientific research and in providing emergency hospital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
. Such early funding in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
a county ready to fight against deadly pandemics like SARS COVID-19.
Additionally
, providing safer roads for transportation has become essential in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
-paced world.
For example
, in India, 30 percent of deaths are alone caused by road accidents due to their poor condition and maintenance. Considering such losses, it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government’s
responsibility to put
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
in
first
place while allocating annual budgets for its citizen’s welfare.

To conclude
on my opinion, though arts and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in promoting a nation’s culture and encourage talent, a higher priority should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to improving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
and
be allocated
with higher percentage of funds compared to the former.
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IELTS essay The government's investment in arts, music and theatre is a waste of money. Governments should invest these funds in public services instead.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
327 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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