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Some people say that advertising encourages us to buy things that we really do not need. Others say that advertisements tell us about new products that may improve our lives. Which viewpoint do you agree with?

Some people say that advertising encourages us to buy things that we really do not need. Others say that advertisements tell us about new products that may improve our lives. Which viewpoint do you agree with? n3aP
While some people believe that advertisements push them to buy things that aren't really necessary, others believe that it helps them find ways to make their life easier. For a very long time, advertisements and marketing have played a huge role in any organization's economy. It's the number one method to introduce new things to society, whether it's a new technology, gadget, or any other thing for that matter. First of all, the more diverse the advertising methods are, the more job opportunities are open to the public, which is a very important thing to consider. Also, it does help us to open our eyes to discover things that are useful and time-saving, things that we need but didn't know that existed before. For example, several advertisements had popped up the other day while surfing the internet about a robot vacuum that cleans the house on its own, some versions do mopping as well, and then it goes back to the charging station when it's done. I thought that it's such a brilliant idea for someone who is extremely busy like myself and I actually ordered one because I was convinced immediately and I believed that it would make my life much easier. On the other hand, I believe that advertisements slightly impact our decisions regarding buying things that we don't actually need just because we saw something that attracts us, but this depends on each individual and their awareness of money management. In conclusion, in my point of view, the advantages of advertising outweigh the disadvantages, and we should always be open to new things, but at the same, think carefully about whether we actually need it or not.
While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
push them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
things that aren't
really
necessary, others believe that it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them find ways to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their life easier.

For a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
long time,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
and marketing have played a huge role in any organization's economy.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
It's
the number one method to introduce new things to society, whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
it's
a new technology, gadget, or any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
thing for that matter.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the more diverse the advertising methods are, the more job opportunities are open to the public, which is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
thing to consider.
Also
, it does
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
us to open our eyes to discover things that are useful and time-saving, things that we need
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
didn't know that existed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.
For example
, several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
had popped up the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
day while surfing the internet about a robot vacuum that cleans the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
on its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
versions
The usual collocation for an activity ending in "-ing" is "go" not "do" or "play." Revise: "go mopping".
do mopping
as well
, and then it goes back to the charging station when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
it's
done. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
it's
such a brilliant
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
for someone who is
extremely
busy like myself and I actually ordered one
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I
was convinced
immediately and I believed that it would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
my life much easier.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
slightly
impact our decisions regarding buying things that we don't actually need
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
something that attracts us,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
this depends on each individual and their awareness of money management.

In conclusion
, in my point of view, the advantages of advertising outweigh the disadvantages, and we should always be open to new things,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
at the same,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
carefully
about whether we actually need it or not.
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IELTS essay Some people say that advertising encourages us to buy things that we really do not need. Others say that advertisements tell us about new products that may improve our lives. Which viewpoint do you agree with?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
280 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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