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Nowadays, many schools find it profitable to sell unhealthy food and sugary drinks to students during lunch breaks. Is this a positive or negative development?

Nowadays, many schools find it profitable to sell unhealthy food and sugary drinks to students during lunch breaks. Is this a positive or negative development? 9bpn
It has been becoming quite common when schools are opting out to sell some sort of beverages and junk food, which are proven to be detrimental to health. Now the question arises that whether this should be considered to be favorable or unfavorable. As far as I am concerned, it would not be wrong to say that in long term, this is certainly not in the best interests of society. First and foremost, the most obvious cause behind this being called a vice is because it is not advantageous for the health of children. Needless to say, the world is suffering from obesity. According to a survey, more than fifty percent of adolescents are gaining weight due to their wrong eating habits. Therefore, it is quite clear that, unfortunately, this practice of schools to earn money, is giving a rise to this grave situation. Secondly, teenage students, unbeknown to the fact that this is ultimately doing their harm, tend to become addicted to it. As a consequence, this habit of eating oily and heavy food stays with them forever. It is generally believed that teenagers are the future of every nation. Regrettably, youngsters'’ recklessness towards their health could be a big obstruction in every country’s future development. Thirdly, the only objective of the manufacturers of this kind of food is to fly their plane of sales and become lucrative, no matter if it is beneficial for the society or not. Schools, by choosing to sell such type of food, are doing nothing, but just helping these big tycoons to become more and more profitable. In conclusion, it is unequivocally true that if educational institutions will keep on serving such kind of edibles, which are not innocuous at all, this might not only put strain on pupils’ health, but will also affect every country’s future. What is more, the big producers are getting boosted and heading towards profitability by adopting a method which is not right for consumers.
It has been becoming quite common when schools are opting out to sell
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
sort of beverages and junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
, which
are proven
to be detrimental to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
the question arises that whether this should
be considered
to be favorable or unfavorable. As far as I
am concerned
, it would not be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
to say that in long term, this is
certainly
not in the best interests of society.

First
and foremost, the most obvious cause behind this
being called
a vice is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is not advantageous for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
of children. Needless to say, the world is suffering from obesity. According to a survey, more than fifty percent of adolescents are gaining weight due to their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
eating habits.
Therefore
, it is quite
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that, unfortunately, this practice of schools to earn money, is giving a rise to this grave situation.

Secondly
, teenage students,
Possible spelling mistake found.
unbeknown
to the fact that this is
ultimately
doing their harm, tend to become addicted to it. As a consequence, this habit of eating oily and heavy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
stays with them forever. It is
generally
believed that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
are the future of every nation.
Regrettably
, youngsters'’ recklessness towards their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
could be a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
obstruction in every country’s future development.

Thirdly
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
objective of the manufacturers of this kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is to
fly
their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plane
of sales and become lucrative, no matter if it is beneficial for the society or not. Schools, by choosing to sell such type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
, are doing nothing,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
helping these
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
tycoons to become more and more profitable.

In conclusion
, it is
unequivocally
true that if educational institutions will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
on serving such kind of edibles, which are not innocuous at all, this might not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
put strain on pupils’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
will
also
affect every country’s future.
What is more
, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
producers are getting boosted and heading towards profitability by adopting a method which is not right for consumers.
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IELTS essay Nowadays, many schools find it profitable to sell unhealthy food and sugary drinks to students during lunch breaks. Is this a positive or negative development?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
327 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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