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The government’s investment in arts, music and theatre is a waste of money. Governments should invest these funds in public services instead. TO what extent do you agree or disagree? v.8

The government’s investment in arts, music and theatre is a waste of money. Governments should invest these funds in public services instead. v. 8
Vaccination is an all important procedure to safeguard children from several fatal diseases. The issue whether parents must be compelled to vaccinate their children against several childhood diseases or not has, nowadays become a heated debate. I, to a large extent believe that guardians must be compelled to immunize their minors for their better health and future. To commence with, two major factors associated with forcing parents for vaccination: maintain health system and to awareness about deadly diseases. Firstly, as juniors in many poor principalities around the globe easily get infected, because of the poor healthcare system in such countries, Therefore, a mammoth number of children are forced to death owing to childhood diseases, which is a sign of unhealthy health care system of the country. To add more, in previous centuries, countless children, due to lack of knowledge and unawareness of deadly disorders, died from ordinary illness such as tuberculosis, polio and smallpox. However, these diseases have not yet totally wiped out, so forcing parents to protect their children help in illuminating these diseases totally. Conversely, the question whether parents must be compelled to inoculate their little ones against common diseases, is social rather than a medical one. As, people are free to choose what to eat or drink, likewise in case of the medical treatment citizens must be given freedom, because the harmful effects of vaccinations, which can sometimes result in medicinal reactions or even death also Exists. To conclude, vaccination is a public issue based on the free will of people, but it is not a topic that affects only the individual. A decision not to treat will have widespread side effects for the whole society and for this reason, if governments compel them could be right efforts.
Vaccination is an all
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
procedure to safeguard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
from several fatal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
. The issue whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be compelled
to vaccinate their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
against several childhood
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
or not has, nowadays become a heated debate. I, to a large extent believe that guardians
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be compelled
to immunize their minors for their better health and future.

To commence with, two major factors associated with forcing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
for vaccination: maintain health system and to awareness about deadly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
.
Firstly
, as juniors in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
poor principalities around the globe
easily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
infected,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the poor healthcare system in such countries,
Therefore
, a mammoth number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are forced
to death owing to childhood
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
, which is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sign
of unhealthy health care system of the country. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
more, in previous centuries, countless
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, due to lack of knowledge and unawareness of deadly disorders,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
died
from ordinary illness such as tuberculosis, polio and smallpox.
However
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
have not
yet
totally
wiped out,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
forcing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to protect their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in illuminating these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
totally
.

Conversely
,
Consider shortening this phrase to just "whether", or rephrase the sentence to avoid "the question".
the question whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be compelled
to inoculate their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
ones against common
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
, is social
rather
than a medical one. As,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are free to choose what to eat or drink,
likewise
in case of the medical treatment citizens
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
freedom,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the harmful effects of vaccinations, which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
result in medicinal reactions or even death
also


Exists.

To conclude
, vaccination is a public issue based on the free will of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is not a topic that affects
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the individual. A decision not to treat will have widespread side effects for the whole society and
for this reason
, if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
compel them could be right efforts.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay The government’s investment in arts, music and theatre is a waste of money. Governments should invest these funds in public services instead. v. 8

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
291 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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