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The government’s investment in arts, music and theatre is a waste of money. Governments should invest these funds in public services instead. TO what extent do you agree or disagree? v.12

The government’s investment in arts, music and theatre is a waste of money. Governments should invest these funds in public services instead. v. 12
It is often argued that investment in some fields of art ought to be waived to finance more crucial aspects, such as public services. While I accept the idea that people' s everyday basic needs are of utmost importance. I agree that funding spiritual fields shouldn' t be underestimated by authorities. On the one hand, financial resources should be allocated in order for public facilities get improved. As it is the fundamental role of the government to enhance people' s daily lives, there ought to be a non-stoppable strategy in order to upgrade primary services such as education, healthcare, transportation, and the like. Fifty years ago, the Malaysian government applied several tactics targeting the development of public services, especially education; as a result, Malaysia now is one of the greatest economies in the whole world. This would not have been possible without prioritizing the elevation of public services levels. On the other hand, I am convinced that art is an international language which doesn' t need a translation; therefore, it is through art people of different nations can communicate feasibly. Such privilege may promote peace and decrease conflictions among nations. To exemplify, during one of the art contests, which hosts talents from multiple destinations, an artist managed to raise the awareness to war victims via drawing on sand, after which plenty of organizations had established in many countries calling for peace and funding those victims. That is to say, important causes could be put in the spot of light if art was allowed to speak out; thus, it' s recommended to pour money to fund artistic fields. To conclude, despite the paramount necessity of focusing on improving all public services, I reiterate that governments should place all art branches on their priority list.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued that investment in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
fields of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
ought to
be waived
to finance more crucial aspects, such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
. While I accept the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that
Possible spelling mistake found.
people&
#039; s everyday basic needs are of utmost importance. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that funding spiritual fields
Possible spelling mistake found.
shouldn&
#039; t
be underestimated
by authorities.

On the one hand, financial resources should
be allocated
in order for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
facilities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
. As it is the fundamental role of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to enhance
Possible spelling mistake found.
people&
#039; s daily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
, there ought to be a non-stoppable strategy in order to upgrade primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
such as education, healthcare, transportation, and the like. Fifty years ago, the Malaysian
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
applied several tactics targeting the development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
,
especially
education;
as a result
, Malaysia
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
is one of the greatest economies in the whole world. This would not have been possible without prioritizing the elevation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
levels.

On the other hand
, I
am convinced
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
is an international language which
Possible spelling mistake found.
doesn&
#039; t need a translation;
therefore
, it is through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
nations can communicate
feasibly
. Such privilege may promote peace and decrease
Possible spelling mistake found.
conflictions
among nations. To exemplify, during one of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
contests, which hosts talents from multiple destinations, an artist managed to raise the awareness to war victims via drawing on sand, after which
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of organizations had established in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries calling for peace and funding those victims.
That is
to say,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
causes could
be put
in the spot of light if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to speak out;
thus
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
it&
#039; s
The verb 'recommended' is used with the gerund form: "recommended pouring".
recommended to pour
money to fund artistic fields.

To conclude
, despite the paramount necessity of focusing on improving all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
, I reiterate that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should place all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
branches on their priority list.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay The government’s investment in arts, music and theatre is a waste of money. Governments should invest these funds in public services instead. v. 12

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
293 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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