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The government's investment in arts, music and theatre is a waste of money. Governments should invest these funds in public services instead. v.2

Although government put some money to arts and music they should separate money for public services also. As you know we need cultural activities in our life. To some extend i agree it is waste of money but we should prioritise our needs. In many countries they have poor public transport so country can put more financial strength to the public. More over it will help to the people to reach there destination very easily. For instance in India still the rural areas do not have any well developed public transport even though it is a second largest country. so in my opinion arts and music is the not vital things in our life. As you know arts and music are the things for recreating our thoughts so we have to consider it second or third. But our priority must be our daily quality of life. for example if we are install more money to public our roads will be good and well rather than our thoughts and leasure time. To recapitulate in my opinion government should invest more money on public transport rather than arts and music. so most of the
Although
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
put
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
they should separate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
services
also
.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
you know we need cultural activities in our life. To
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Did you mean the noun “extent”?
extend
Is this the personal pronoun “I”? It is spelled uppercase.
i
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
it is waste of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
we should
Possible spelling mistake. ‘prioritise’ is British English.
prioritise
our needs. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries they have poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
Use a comma before ‘so’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
transport
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
country can put more financial strength to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
. More over it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to reach there destination
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
easily
.
For instance
in India
still
the rural areas do not have any
This word is normally spelled with a hyphen.
well developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
transport
even though
it is a second largest country.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter.
so
in my opinion
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is the not vital things in our life. As you know
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
are the things for recreating our thoughts
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
consider it second or third.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
our priority
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be our daily quality of life.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter.
for
example if we are
Consider using either the past participle “installed” or the present participle “installing” here.
install
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
our roads will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
and well
rather
than our thoughts and
Possible spelling mistake found.
leasure
time. To recapitulate in my opinion
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should invest more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
transport
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter.
so
most of
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph.
the
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IELTS essay The government's investment in arts, music and theatre is a waste of money. Governments should invest these funds in public services instead.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
191 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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