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Many universities graduates cannot find a job in their chosen profession what factors may have caused this situation and what in your opinion should be care about it v.3

Many universities graduates cannot find a job in their chosen profession what factors may have caused this situation and what in your opinion should be care about it v. 3
Nowadays most students after the completion of their studies are not able to get a lucrative job related to their field. In my opinion, there are three main reasons including economic instability, lack of theoretical knowledge and low salaries. To embark with an economic situation of a country is certainly a huge problem to reduce the opportunities for their young people because if a country is facing this pivotal, their financial stability would never be good. Moreover, international companies would reluctant to open their commercial offices and as a result, it certainly become a barrier in the economic progress of that nation. In addition, organizations are being restricted in hiring new staffs due to their financial crises. For this reason, many highly skilled professionals would migrate to other countries for the sake of jobs. For example, around 40% of young engineers from Pakistan immigrated to different places in 2017. Another factor is having an insufficient knowledge of students in their profession. As many graduates achieved their degrees with tremendous results but they do not have proper practical exposure. In this competitive period, a company always looks to hire a best candidate having diverse knowledge about their field work with hands on experience on the different applications. While, universities and teachers mainly focus on the theoretical studies and management skills which are vital but it cannot be neglected as this ability plays a vital role in the selection criteria of a candidate. Lastly, most graduate students are not able to earn the good amount of salary in their chosen profession due to their fresh experience level. In this era of inflation, it is very difficult to survive if you do not have a better job. So managing these expenditures, most of the individuals often left their desired profession and try to get a highly paid job. For example, 45% of electronics engineers in all over the world doing the sales jobs instead of their field work for the huge wages. To recapitulate, job scarcity in many countries are increasing rapidly. In my opinion, economy, background knowledge and payment issues are three overwhelming factors which induce people to remain unemployed.
Nowadays most students after the completion of their studies are not able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a lucrative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
related to their field. In my opinion, there are three main reasons including economic instability, lack of theoretical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
and low salaries.

To embark with an economic situation of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
is
certainly
a huge problem to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the opportunities for their young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
if a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
is facing this pivotal, their financial stability would never be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
.
Moreover
, international
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
would reluctant to open their commercial offices and
as a result
, it
certainly
Did you mean "becomes"?
become
a barrier in the economic progress of that nation.
In addition
, organizations are
being restricted
in hiring new staffs due to their financial crises.
For this reason
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
highly
skilled professionals would migrate to other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
for the sake of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
.
For example
, around 40% of young engineers from Pakistan immigrated to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
places in 2017.

Another factor is having an insufficient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
of students in their profession. As
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
graduates achieved their degrees with tremendous results
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they do not have proper practical exposure. In this competitive period, a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
always looks to hire
Use "the" with the superlative.
a
best candidate having diverse
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
about their field work with hands on experience on the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
applications. While, universities and teachers
mainly
focus on the theoretical studies and management
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
which are vital
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it cannot
be neglected
as this ability plays a vital role in the selection criteria of a candidate.

Lastly
, most graduate students are not able to earn the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
amount of salary in their chosen profession due to their fresh experience level. In this era of inflation, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
difficult to survive if you do not have a better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
managing these expenditures, most of the individuals
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
their desired profession and try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
highly
paid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
.
For example
, 45% of electronics engineers in all over the world doing the sales
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
instead
of their field work for the huge wages.

To recapitulate,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
scarcity in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
are increasing
rapidly
. In my opinion, economy, background
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
and payment issues are three overwhelming factors which induce
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to remain unemployed.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Many universities graduates cannot find a job in their chosen profession what factors may have caused this situation and what in your opinion should be care about it v. 3

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
358 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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