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The government spend to much money after education. More money should be spent on free-activities. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

In a modern era, governments have to organize money in such a way that it will be beneficial for youngsters after completing their education. Moreover, extra-curricular activities are most important things which play a major role in our life. I largely confess this planning because of fewer reasons. In addition, if government or school spends more money after education, students get the opportunities to succeed in life. First of all, universities and schools have to use money for students by providing placement training, higher education studies and so on. So people get the proper chance to show their skills. Therefore, student learn those things that actually decide our career. And it is important to prove ourselves unique compared to others. Additionally, the free-time activities play significantly major role in our life. It is one kind of refreshment which provides joy and happiness. And it is one of the important things that people hardly find nowadays. Talking further, government has to organize workshops or events which help students to grow in competitive world and also provide best tutor to the students. So they get proper direction. And it is cardinal that most of the developed countries provide to their youth. Nevertheless, if we do anything to the certain level, it always give benefits. Governments have to take care of other important development such as economy fortification, improved quality of life and so on. It is fundamental topics which governments have to look at it with proper guidelines. In summary, governments and students need to work together to set education system with proper direction. So every student gets proper knowledge to become successful person. However, we make sure that money use to the extent level.
In a modern era,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
organize
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
in such a way that it will be beneficial for youngsters after completing their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
.
Moreover
, extra-curricular activities are
Did you mean “the most”?
most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
things which play a major role in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. I
largely
confess this planning
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of fewer reasons.

In addition
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
or school spends more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the opportunities to succeed in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
Often, this adverbial phrase is redundant. Consider using “first”.
First of all
, universities and schools
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
by providing placement training, higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
studies and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proper
chance to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
learn those things that actually decide our career. And it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
to prove ourselves unique compared to others.
Additionally
, the free-time activities play
significantly
major role in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. It is one kind of refreshment which provides joy and happiness. And it is one of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
things that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
hardly find nowadays.

Talking
further
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
organize workshops or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to grow in competitive world and
also
provide best tutor to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proper
direction. And it is cardinal that most of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
provide to their youth.
Nevertheless
, if we do anything to the certain level, it always
After ‘it’, use the third-person verb form “gives”.
give
benefits.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Governments
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
take care of other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
development such as economy fortification,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
quality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on. It is fundamental topics which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
look at it with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proper
guidelines.

In summary,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
need to work together to set
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
system with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proper
direction.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proper
knowledge to become successful person.
However
, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sure that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
to the extent level.
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IELTS essay The government spend to much money after education. More money should be spent on free-activities.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
283 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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