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Nowadays, much more people find it hard to deal with overweight problem. Several people's opinions that the solution to this issue is to begin new physical events in school. I forcefully oppose this opinion, adding new physical subjects to the school; it is not the solution no matter when.

First, I believe that adding extra physical education to the school curriculum. It will be an awful impact on the education system. After physical exercise, students feel extremely tired, consequently they will need to take a break. Without extra physical training, students have additional time to discuss their new ideas in the group. Let me clear with my example; I hate, the sport, which is in the school curriculum due to the fact in the morning I spend an hour for jogging in extra physical things such as weightlifting and consequently on. Everyone can do such as exercise at home to be healthy and to stop the overweight problem. Secondly, doing a plethora of sports in school will not be impacted by your future. Being Often a fat man in not depend on you because I know many people want to be plump however, they are skinny. Let me take my father; he was skinny at school, but he wanted to be plump. However, he could not. During the years, he grows up and now, he is plump like he wants. The main thing that is I want to mention the above sentence it depends on your health not to what you do. In conclusion, I believe that; adding extra physical exercise will not be matter because of the education system and health.
First
, I believe that adding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
education to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
curriculum. It will be an awful impact on the education system. After
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
exercise, students feel
Consider using an extreme adjective for ‘tired’.
extremely tired
,
consequently
they will need to take a break. Without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
training, students have additional time to discuss their new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
in the group.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Let
me
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
with my example; I hate, the sport, which is in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
curriculum due to the fact in the morning I spend an hour for jogging in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
things such as weightlifting and
consequently
on. Everyone can do such as exercise at home to be healthy and to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
the overweight problem.

Secondly
, doing a plethora of sports in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
will not
be impacted
by your future. Being
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Often
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
in not depend on you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I know
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
want to be plump
however
, they are skinny.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Let
me take my father; he was skinny at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
he wanted to be plump.
However
, he could not. During the years, he grows up and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
, he is plump like he wants. The main thing
that is
I want to mention the above sentence it depends on your health not to what you do.

In conclusion
, I believe that; adding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
exercise will not be matter
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the education system and health.
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IELTS essay Nowadays, much more people find it hard to deal with overweight problem. Several people's opinions that the solution to this issue is to begin new physical events in school. I forcefully oppose this opinion, adding new physical subjects to the school; it is not the solution no matter when.

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
223 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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  • Nowadays, much more people find it hard to deal with overweight problem. Several people's opinions that the solution to this issue is to begin new physical events in school. I forcefully oppose this opinion, adding new physical subjects to the school; it is not the solution no matter when.