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Nowadays, much more people find it hard to deal with overweight problem. Several people's opinions that the solution to this issue is to begin new physical events in school. I forcefully oppose this opinion, adding new physical subjects to the school; it is not the solution no matter when.

First, I believe that adding extra physical education to the school curriculum. It will be an awful impact on the education system. After physical exercise, students feel very tired, so they will need to take a break. Without extra physical training, students have additional time to discuss their new ideas in the group. Let me clear with my example; I hate, the sport, which is in the school curriculum because in the morning I spend an hour for jogging in extra physical things such as weightlifting and so on. Everyone can do such as exercise at home to be healthy and to stop the overweight problem. Secondly, doing many sports in school will not be affected by your future. Often being a fat man in not depend on you because I know many people want to be plump however, they are skinny. Let me take my father; he was skinny at school, but he wanted to be plump. However, he could not. During the years, he grows up and now, he is plump like he wants. The main thing that is I want to mention about the above sentence it depends on your health not to what you do. In conclusion, I believe that; adding extra physical exercise will not be matter because of the education system and health. First, I believe that adding extra physical education to the school curriculum. It will be an awful impact on the education system. After physical exercise, students feel very tired, so they will need to take a break. Without extra physical training, students have additional time to discuss their new ideas in the group. Let me clear with my example; I hate, the sport, which is in the school curriculum because in the morning I spend an hour for jogging in extra physical things such as weightlifting and so on. Everyone can do such as exercise at home to be healthy and to stop the overweight problem. Secondly, doing many sports in school will not be affected by your future. Often being a fat man in not depend on you because I know many people want to be plump however, they are skinny. Let me take my father; he was skinny at school, but he wanted to be plump. However, he could not. During the years, he grows up and now, he is plump like he wants. The main thing that is I want to mention about the above sentence it depends on your health not to what you do. In conclusion, I believe that; adding extra physical exercise will not be matter because of the education system and health.
First
, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that adding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
curriculum
. It will be an awful impact on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
. After
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
feel
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
tired,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they will need to take a break. Without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
training,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
have additional time to discuss their new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
in the group.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Let
me
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
with my example; I hate, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
, which is in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
curriculum
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
in the morning I spend an hour for jogging in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
things such as weightlifting and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on. Everyone can do such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
at home to be healthy and to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
the overweight problem.

Secondly
, doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
will not be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by your future.
The adverb ‘Often’ usually goes after the verb ‘being’.
Often being
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
in not depend on you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I know
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plump
however
, they are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skinny
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Let
me take my father; he was
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skinny
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
he wanted to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plump
.
However
, he could not. During the years, he grows up and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
, he is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plump
like he
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wants
. The main thing
that is
I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to
Did you mean simply “mention the”? You do not need the word “about” here.
mention about the
above sentence it depends on your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
not to what you do.

In conclusion
, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that; adding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
will not be matter
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
.
First
, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that adding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
curriculum
. It will be an awful impact on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
. After
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
feel
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
tired,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they will need to take a break. Without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
training,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
have additional time to discuss their new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
in the group.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Let
me
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
with my example; I hate, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
, which is in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
curriculum
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
in the morning I spend an hour for jogging in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
things such as weightlifting and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on. Everyone can do such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
at home to be healthy and to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
the overweight problem.

Secondly
, doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
will not be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by your future.
The adverb ‘Often’ usually goes after the verb ‘being’.
Often being
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
in not depend on you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I know
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plump
however
, they are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skinny
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Let
me take my father; he was
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skinny
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
he wanted to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plump
.
However
, he could not. During the years, he grows up and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
, he is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plump
like he
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wants
. The main thing
that is
I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to
Did you mean simply “mention the”? You do not need the word “about” here.
mention about the
above sentence it depends on your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
not to what you do.

In conclusion
, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that; adding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
will not be matter
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
.
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IELTS essay Nowadays, much more people find it hard to deal with overweight problem. Several people's opinions that the solution to this issue is to begin new physical events in school. I forcefully oppose this opinion, adding new physical subjects to the school; it is not the solution no matter when.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
438 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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