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the government should spend some more amount

the government should spend some more amount dlB2X
No doubt, increasing vulnerability in society is the hot-button issue of the moment. A section of society believes that the government should spend more amount of money on defense rather than squandering it on social benefits. I, however, partially agree with the notion. In the given essay, I will discuss both sides of the said issue, and substantiate my view. To begin with, it is indeed true that the authorities should spend some more money to increase the security, however, this does not mean that they should ignore social benefits such as health care and cleanliness. Nowadays, health care is the epicenter of vulnerability, countless people are dying an early death because of fatal diseases. To illustrate, the novel COVID-19 virus has taken millions of lives across the world, and more than 90% of death occurred due to scarcity of oxygen. If the government would have spent some more amount of money on oxygen production, then millions of lives would have been saved. Thus, it is extremely necessary to spend an adequate wage on health care. On the other hand, the crime rate has significantly increased over the past few years. Besides, heinous crimes such as rape and murder have taken the lives of numerous young girls across the world. Thus, it is vitally important to increase the police force on the streets. Moreover, the authorities should erect a few special organizations that will help to mitigate abhorrent crimes. In addition, artificial intelligent machines are the boon given to the 21st century, as they can keep an eye on people 24x7 hrs. However, it requires a myriad of money to install such smart systems. To conclude, after analyzing the above discussion, it is quite evident that both security and social benefits are equally important, and the government should spend an equal amount of money on both of them. However, the government should seek for few more sources of money that will keep the economy afloat.
No doubt, increasing vulnerability in society is the hot-button issue of the moment. A section of society believes that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
more amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on defense
rather
than squandering it on social benefits. I,
however
,
partially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the notion. In the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
essay, I will discuss both sides of the said issue, and substantiate my view.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, it is
indeed
true that the authorities should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to increase the security,
however
, this does not mean that they should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
social benefits such as health care and cleanliness. Nowadays, health care is the epicenter of vulnerability, countless
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are dying an early death
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of fatal diseases. To illustrate, the novel COVID-19 virus has taken millions of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
across the world, and more than 90% of death occurred due to scarcity of oxygen. If the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
Did you mean "had spent"?
would have spent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
more amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on oxygen production, then millions of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
would have
been saved
.
Thus
, it is
extremely
necessary to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
an adequate wage on health care.

On the other hand
, the crime rate has
significantly
increased over the past few years.
Besides
, heinous crimes such as rape and murder have taken the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
of numerous young girls across the world.
Thus
, it is
vitally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to increase the police force on the streets.
Moreover
, the authorities should erect a few special organizations that will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to mitigate abhorrent crimes.
In addition
, artificial intelligent machines are the boon
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to the 21st century, as they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
an eye on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
Replace by the typographical symbol.
24x7
hrs.
However
, it requires a myriad of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to install such smart systems.

To conclude
, after analyzing the above discussion, it is quite evident that both security and social benefits are
equally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
, and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
an equal amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on both of them.
However
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should seek for few more sources of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
that will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
the economy afloat.
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IELTS essay the government should spend some more amount

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
325 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
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