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The government should raise more money

The government should raise more money yGmLM
Some people are of the opinion that the authorities ought to use the public budget to develop and improve rail qualities rather than that of roads. I completely disagree with this idea and I will elaborate further in my essay. The first reason why I support roads is that this mode of transportation is very likely to be used by almost all people. It is clear that secretaries, workers, businessmen and many other employees commute to work by their personal bicycle (1), motorbikes or cars. Nonetheless, most residents only travel by trains to remote areas or far-flung distances. For example, in Da Nang city, the number of people who use the railway is often outweighed by those traveling by public bus or their own motorbikes. In addition, investments in trains may cost a fortune for the national fund. If governments spend national budgets to better railway conditions, they have to construct railway tracks as well as buy or manufacture new trains. Consequently, a lot of money will have to be raised and I think (2) this is a huge waste. It is far more wise to allocate that financial power to roads by upgrading those obsolete and building new ones as well as installing more traffic lights to prevent the dwellers from accidents. Furthermore, the government can give a medium amount of that money for mountainous areas to fix severely damaged village roads. In conclusion, I do believe that the public money should be used for right purposes such as investing for the railway system rather than roads. This will create positive influences on both nation’s economy and society qualities
Some
people
are of the opinion that the authorities ought to
use
the public budget to develop and
improve
rail qualities
rather
than that of
roads
. I completely disagree with this
idea
and I will elaborate
further
in my essay.

The
first
reason why I support
roads
is that this mode of transportation is
very
likely to be
used
by almost all
people
. It is
clear
that secretaries, workers, businessmen and
many
other employees commute to work by their personal bicycle (1), motorbikes or cars. Nonetheless, most residents
only
travel by trains to remote areas or far-flung distances.
For example
, in
Da
Nang
city, the number of
people
who
use
the
railway
is
often
outweighed by those traveling by public bus or their
own
motorbikes.

In addition
, investments in trains may cost a fortune for the national fund. If
governments
spend national budgets to better
railway
conditions, they
have to
construct
railway
tracks
as well
as
buy
or manufacture new trains.
Consequently
,
a lot of
money will
have to
be raised
and I
think
(2) this is a huge waste. It is far more wise to allocate that financial power to
roads
by upgrading those obsolete and building new ones
as well
as installing more traffic lights to
prevent
the dwellers from accidents.
Furthermore
, the
government
can give a medium amount of that money for mountainous areas to
fix
severely
damaged village roads.

In conclusion
, I do believe that the public money should be
used
for right purposes such as investing for the
railway
system
rather
than
roads
. This will create
positive
influences on both nation’s economy and society
qualities
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IELTS essay The government should raise more money

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
269 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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