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the government should focus on economic growth or other goals

the government should focus on economic growth or other goals AB23x
Whether one government should focus on boosting the economic growth or pay equal attention to other goals including social welfare is a hotly debated topic. I personally believe that economic progress should not be the only objective for any government. It is understandable that economic target is a must for many countries. A healthier economy is usually corresponding with a stronger position in the international arena. A salient example of this is how the USA plays an important role in any global organizations including United Nation or World Trade Organization. This enables the America to have the greatest impact on any decisions concerning socio-economic situations of other countries all over the world. In addition to this, a booming economy always brings more jobs and investment opportunities which result in better living condition and higher quality of public services. Compared to developed countries, people in developing world these days frequently suffer from the lack of water supply or even food, let alone medical treatment or proper education. Nonetheless, a sole concentration on economic prosperity cannot create long lasting peace or social well-being on the large scale. There are numerous factors that are equally vital for one country such as education, medical care and other forms of public services. Imagine chaos would be ensured if one country failed to provide its citizens with enough medical facilities or public transportation. Also, we should consider other areas of human rights, social justice and democracy itself. For instance, increasing outrages and protests for months against a new proposition in Hong Kong has caused severe effect on the economy of the Asia’s financial hub. Enterprises have had to shut down their business, or retail centers have not opened for months, which played the most crucial part in Hong Kong’s economic downturn last year. It cannot be denied that advantages associated with economic growth are enormous. However, it is my personal belief that there are a lot more types of progress one government should keep an eye on.
Whether one
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should focus on boosting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
growth or pay equal attention to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
goals including social welfare is a
hotly
debated topic. I
personally
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
progress should not be the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
objective for any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.

It is understandable that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
target is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. A healthier economy is
usually
corresponding with a stronger position in the international arena. A salient example of this is how the USA plays an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in any global organizations including United Nation or World Trade Organization. This enables the America to have the greatest impact on any decisions concerning
Possible spelling mistake found.
socio-economic
situations of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
all over the world.
In addition
to this, a booming economy always brings more jobs and investment opportunities which result in better living condition and higher quality of public services. Compared to developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in developing world these days
frequently
suffer from the lack of water supply or even food,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
alone medical treatment or proper education.

Nonetheless, a sole concentration on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
prosperity cannot create
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
long lasting
peace or social well-being on the large scale. There are numerous factors that are
equally
vital for one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
such as education, medical care and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
forms of public services. Imagine chaos would
be ensured
if one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
failed to provide its citizens with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
medical facilities or public transportation.
Also
, we should consider
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
areas of human rights, social justice and democracy itself.
For instance
, increasing outrages and protests for months against a new proposition in Hong Kong has caused severe effect on the economy of the Asia’s financial hub. Enterprises have had to shut down their business, or retail centers have not opened for months, which played the most crucial part in Hong Kong’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
downturn last year.

It cannot
be denied
that advantages associated with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economic
growth are enormous.
However
, it is my personal belief that there are a lot more types of progress one
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
an eye on.
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IELTS essay the government should focus on economic growth or other goals

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
331 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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  • Meet the criteria
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