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anthropology graduates from one university

anthropology graduates from one university AB2J3
The data provides information on the different destinations of anthropology graduates from a specific university and their salaries after five years of work. half of the anthropology graduates did full-time jobs, which represents 52 percent of all graduates. While the part-time work occupied of 15 percent graduates. some graduates decided to do further studies besides their jobs, 8 and 5 percent account for full-time work and part-time work respectively. On the other hand, 12 percent of the graduates not employed. some of the graduates do not provide their job status, they refer 8 percent of all graduates. overall, the anthropologist salary varies along with their employment sector.
The data provides information on the
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different
destinations of anthropology
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graduates
from a specific university and their salaries after five years of
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work
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
half
of the anthropology
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graduates
did full-time jobs, which represents 52
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percent
of all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graduates
.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
the part-time
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work
occupied of 15
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percent
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graduates
.
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some
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graduates
decided to do
further
studies
besides
their jobs, 8 and 5
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percent
account for full-time
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work
and part-time
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work
respectively
.
On the other hand
, 12
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percent
of the
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graduates
not employed.
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
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graduates
do not provide their job status, they refer 8
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
of all graduates.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
overall
, the anthropologist salary varies along with their employment sector.

IELTS essay anthropology graduates from one university

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
107 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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