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The government should control the internet to reduce cyber-crime and ensure safety of users. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? v.2

The government should control the internet to reduce cyber-crime and ensure safety of users. with this statement? v. 2
The increased use of internet has given rise to many serious problems such a cyber bullying, hacking cyber fraud etc. I agree with the notion that, government should take some steps to stop the undue usage of internet. To begin with, due to easy accessibility of internet, people are finding new ways to commit a crime. There are several fraudulent websites that are meant to hack the personal information of people like bank account details and residential address. Moreover, many people easily get trapped by these deceitful websites and lost their money. Even many internet users get suspicious emails from unknown people. For instance, many times I get emails of winning money and thus they ask me to give my bank information. To save people from such crime, the government should ban such dubious website. Various techniques such as a firewall should be used to monitor the continuous activities of these websites. In addition, the uncontrolled usage of the internet is making a negative impact on youngsters, many teenagers get addicted to pornographic websites and spoil their life. The Number of adolescents has become the victim of the cyber bullying, which resulted in many cases of suicides. For example, an online game named blue whale, asks children to do some unpleasant tasks that lead to many suicides among the children. So, the youngsters are the future of the country, there safety is the primary thing for us. Government should enforce stringent laws and punishment for cyber bullying. This practice may overcome the misuse of the Internet. In conclusion, in this era of media and technology, criminals use the internet as an easy source to do crime. Therefore, it is the responsibility of the government to save people's lives by controlling misleading information on the internet.
The increased
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of internet has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
rise to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
serious problems such a
This word is normally spelled as one.
cyber bullying
, hacking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cyber
fraud etc. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the notion that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
steps to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
the undue usage of internet.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, due to easy accessibility of internet,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are finding new ways to commit a crime. There are several fraudulent websites that
are meant
to hack the personal information of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
like bank account
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
and residential address.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
easily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
trapped by these deceitful websites and lost their money. Even
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
internet users
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
suspicious emails from unknown
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
times I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
emails of winning money and
thus
they ask me to give my bank information. To save
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from such crime, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should ban such dubious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
website
. Various techniques such as a firewall should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to monitor the continuous activities of these websites.

In addition
, the uncontrolled usage of the internet is making a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on youngsters,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
addicted to pornographic websites and spoil their life. The Number of adolescents has become the victim of the
This word is normally spelled as one.
cyber bullying
, which resulted in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
cases of suicides.
For example
, an online game named blue whale, asks children to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
unpleasant tasks that lead to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
suicides among the children.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, the youngsters are the future of the country, there safety is the primary thing for us.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Government
should enforce stringent laws and punishment for
This word is normally spelled as one.
cyber bullying
. This practice may overcome the misuse of the Internet.

In conclusion
, in this era of media and technology, criminals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the internet as an easy source to do crime.
Therefore
, it is the responsibility of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
to save
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
by controlling misleading information on the internet.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay The government should control the internet to reduce cyber-crime and ensure safety of users. with this statement? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
295 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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