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The government should control the amount of violence in films and on television

The government should control the amount of violence in films and on television MBYRq
The government should control the amount of violence in films and on television in order to decrease the violent crimes in society. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? Nowadays, films on television are one the most popular ways to entertain yourself when we have free time. However, films also include a huge of violence that detrimentally affect to our mind, especially with children. Violence in films or on television has both benefits and drawbacks that will change the ways we think about our lives. In this paragraph, I will discuss more clearly about this problems. In the one hand, we can easily see that violence in action films or movies has some obviously advantages. Firstly, some violence scene can teach people how to protect themselves when facing criminals. Actors or actress who act violence scene have a wide knowledge about Karate, Jutsu… so that viewer can learn it directly on television. Secondly, some action movies which have violence scene can inspire viewers about justice, romantic, brave heroes. So that they can respect to their lives and their countries. However, most of violence films and movies negatively affect to our mind. For example, if your child watch too much fighting movies, they will think that they will be a hero in one days, that can affect to their school life. And also, the more people watch criminals in television, the more criminals appear in daily life. While watching gangsters on television, some adults think that is cool and imitate to that action. This will affect to their awareness and destroy our future generation. In conclusion, the government must guarantee that violence in films will not be uncontrollable in the future
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should control the amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
in films and on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
in order to decrease the violent crimes in society. To what extent do you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
or disagree with this opinion?

Nowadays, films on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
are
Did you mean "one of"?
one
the most popular ways to entertain yourself when we have free time.
However
, films
also
include
The phrase 'a huge of' is not correct. Use a noun, not an adjective, between 'a' and 'of'.
a huge of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
that
detrimentally
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
affect
to our mind,
especially
with children.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Violence
in films or on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
has both benefits and drawbacks that will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the ways we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. In this paragraph, I will discuss more
clearly
about
Did you mean "these"?
this
problems.

In the one hand, we can
easily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
in action films or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
obviously
advantages.
Firstly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
scene can teach
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
how to protect themselves when facing criminals. Actors or actress who act
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
scene have a wide knowledge about Karate,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Jutsu
…
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that viewer can learn it
directly
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
.
Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
action
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
which have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
scene can inspire viewers about justice, romantic, brave heroes.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
that they can respect to their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
and their countries.

However
, most of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
films and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
negatively
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
affect
to our mind.
For example
, if your child
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
too much fighting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
, they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that they will be a hero in
Don't use the number 'one' with plural words. Did you mean "one day", "a day", or simply "days"?
one days
, that can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
affect
to their school life. And
also
, the more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
criminals in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
, the more criminals appear in daily life. While watching gangsters on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
adults
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that is
cool and imitate to that action. This will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
affect
to their awareness and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroy
our future generation.

In conclusion
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
guarantee that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
in films will not be uncontrollable in the future
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IELTS essay The government should control the amount of violence in films and on television

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
283 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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