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The government should ban smoking in all public places, even though this would restrict some other people's freedoms.

The government should ban smoking in all public places, even though this would restrict some other people's freedoms. G1oL
In recent years, the health problem has already attracted notice, because a lot of died from smoking or passive smoking. Therefore some people suggested that the Government should be banned in all public places. It is worth being thought and discussed carefully. To start with, when governments thought about this problem, have something should be concerned. For instance, such as people’s freedom and right. Furthermore, health education should be teaching people since they were studying in primary school or high school. For example, in my case, I know smoking will damage my health, because cigarettes including nicotine and chemical material, so I never smoking. Moreover, how would affect the business and cause many people will fire, it is often said that the enconomy will get worst. For example, the restaurant will not have a lot of people spend money there, because they lose their freedom. Nevertheless, governments thought some problems shouldsolve in the face of difficulty. Just as such as some restaurants and shops can arranged smoker area and non-smoker area. Overall, I believe health more important than money or anything. Therefore, some knowledge tells me smoking not only a killer for health. For instance, such as drugs and drinking alcohol. I think governments should divert purpose or money basic education, if people got enough health knowledge, they would give up or never touch it.
In recent years, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
problem has already attracted notice,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
died
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
or passive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
suggested that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Government
should
be banned
in all public places. It is worth being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
and discussed
carefully
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
about this problem, have something should
be concerned
.
For instance
, such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
freedom and right.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
education should be teaching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
since they were studying in primary school or high school.
For example
, in my case, I know
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
will damage my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
cigarettes including nicotine and chemical material,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
I never
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
.
Moreover
, how would affect the business and cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will fire, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
said that the
Possible spelling mistake found.
enconomy
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
worst.
For example
, the restaurant will not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
spend money there,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they lose their freedom.
Nevertheless
,
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governments
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
problems
Possible spelling mistake found.
shouldsolve
in the face of difficulty.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Just
as such as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
restaurants and shops can arranged smoker area and non-smoker area.
Overall
, I believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than money or anything.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
knowledge
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tells
me
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a killer for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
.
For instance
, such as drugs and drinking alcohol. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
should divert purpose or money basic education, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
knowledge, they would give up or never touch it.

IELTS essay The government should ban smoking in all public places, even though this would restrict some other people's freedoms.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
225 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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