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Some people believe that teenagers should be required to do unpaid community work in their free time. This can benefit teenagers and the community as well. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people believe that teenagers should be required to do unpaid community work in their free time. This can benefit teenagers and the community as well. bgoX
Some ideas exist that youngsters could contribute their spare time to work volunteering for society. I totally agree with that opinion as there are a lot of young people who consume their time for unhealthy activities. This essay will discuss why teenagers must join with community tasks. To begin with, teenagers have good health and sharp minds to help their communities. To make it clear, this means the age of 15 to 22 years old is regarded as puberty with well-being and creativity. They can learn fast and use their power to assist others. For example, a young teen might spend their hours after school to go to a nursing home or hospital and support the staff to run errands. Clearly, the youngster is stronger and smarter than other ages, therefore they should give a hand to people who are living around them. Additionally, these growing people are developing their life skills, thus, it is crucial to volunteer and correct their demerits. Nowadays, there are a bunch of teenagers who prefer spending their leisure time on computer and smartphone without interacting with other people. This shapes their personalities and cognition to be slow and dependable. However, if they go outside and collaborate with others, they definitely pick up on a variety of useful lessons. For instance, a youngster who would like to volunteer for daycare, she probably can gain some skills of taking care of kids and others. Thus, volunteering benefits each individual if they aspire to perfect their moralities. In conclusion, contributing effort for the community brings many advantages for young people, and helps them to establish their goals in the future.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
exist that youngsters could contribute their spare time to work volunteering for society. I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with that opinion as there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
consume their time for unhealthy activities. This essay will discuss why
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
with community tasks.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
health and sharp minds to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
their communities. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
, this means the age of 15 to 22 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
is regarded
as puberty with well-being and creativity. They can learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their power to assist others.
For example
, a young teen might spend their hours after school to go to a nursing home or hospital and support the staff to run errands.
Clearly
, the youngster is stronger and smarter than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
ages,
therefore
they should give a hand to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are living around them.

Additionally
, these growing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are developing their life
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
,
thus
, it is crucial to volunteer and correct their demerits. Nowadays, there are a bunch of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
prefer spending their leisure time on computer and smartphone without interacting with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. This shapes their personalities and cognition to be slow and dependable.
However
, if they go outside and collaborate with others, they definitely pick up on a variety of useful lessons.
For instance
, a youngster
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
would like to volunteer for daycare, she
probably
can gain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
of taking care of kids
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
.
Thus
, volunteering benefits each individual if they aspire to perfect their moralities.

In conclusion
, contributing effort for the community brings
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advantages for young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to establish their goals in the future.

IELTS essay Some people believe that teenagers should be required to do unpaid community work in their free time. This can benefit teenagers and the community as well.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
273 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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