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Nowadays teenagers mostly spend time playing computer games rather than sports. What are the reasons for this? How can parents cope with this issue?

Nowadays teenagers mostly spend time playing computer games rather than sports. What are the reasons for this? How can parents cope with this issue? qmDE
It is visible that the young generation nowadays spends most of their time playing online games instead of outdoor sports. I believe that the primary cause of this is urbanization, and supported by modernization. In the past few years, the number of people moving from rural to urban areas has skyrocketed. This causes grasslands, which were previously utilized for public parks, are used for making homes and business complexes. As a consequence, children prefer to play online games instead, because they can play them with their friends anytime, anywhere they want. Another reason is that as the population grows, living in the society becomes very competitive, thus making adults work harder which results in them not able to allocate enough time to their offsprings. This is an adverse development because not many skills are acquirable through online games. Children still need to have physical interaction to develop crucial skills such as leadership, teamwork, decision making, and many more. However, there is no problem without a solution. Parents can deal with this by limiting the time children play online games and communicate with them more. Parents can also utilize the internet to do sports at home with their kids, thus fulfilling the need for physical exercise. To conclude, children prefer to play online games more because of the lack of physical space available, however, this greatly hinders the development of crucial skills for the children. Parents can prevent this by giving their kids more attention, and help their development by communicating with them.
It is visible that the young generation nowadays spends most of their time playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
instead
of outdoor sports. I believe that the primary cause of this is urbanization, and supported by modernization.

In the past few years, the number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
moving from rural to urban areas has skyrocketed. This causes grasslands, which were previously utilized for public parks, are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for making homes and business complexes. As a consequence,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
prefer to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
instead
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
them with their friends anytime, anywhere they want. Another reason is that as the population grows, living in the society becomes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
competitive,
thus
making adults work harder which results in them not able to allocate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
time to their
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "offspring", the plural form of the noun 'offspring'?
offsprings
.

This is an adverse development
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
are acquirable through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
still
need to have physical interaction to develop crucial
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
such as leadership, teamwork,
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
decision making
, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more.
However
, there is no problem without a solution. Parents can deal with this by limiting the time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and communicate with them more. Parents can
also
utilize the internet to do sports at home with their kids,
thus
fulfilling the need for physical exercise.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
prefer to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the lack of physical space available,
however
, this
greatly
hinders the development of crucial
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. Parents can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
this by giving their kids more attention, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
their development by communicating with them.

IELTS essay Nowadays teenagers mostly spend time playing computer games rather than sports. What are the reasons for this? How can parents cope with this issue?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
252 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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