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The government investment in arts such a waste, they should spend budget in public service

The government investment in arts such a waste, they should spend budget in public service OMyQN
It is a common belief that the public services should be focused on instead of some field supposedly unimportant such as arts However, i firmly believed that in current situation which is in the technical century, the arts is an indispensable part of people's life so government should partly allocate the national budget to entertainment field namely musics, movies, dances, sports and others. There are some reasons why authority should take care of the arts. First, developing the entertainment industry can make the national economy thrive. In fact, Korea is the most famous country which is known for its developed entertainment industry. Korean government spent more than half the nation's budget on the arts industry in order for economic profits which will be reinvested into public services including hospitals, educational facilities and infrastructure, . . . Second, investing in the arts means preserving the culture's national identities like traditional customs or cuisine and consequently creating various heritage for future generations. For instance, in Vietnam, there are numerous heritage sites and a huge number of relics which are older than 1000 - Year Old artifacts from Ly, Tran dynasties In addition, when national authorities have a number of capital resources invested in the entertainment field, the mental life of citizens is diversified so the standard of happiness grows which leads to a country becoming a member of the Union of Happy Nations. The people living in the happy countries will have high confidence in government so their motivation to work is higher and more qualified. -> Not only does the country’s labour force benefit from this trend, but it also helps the country attract an enormous number of international intellectuals to boost the nation’s potential. In conclusion, although some people disapprove the investment on arts, due to the fact that they believe it is a waste, however, in my book, the entertainment field is an important part of humans so we must not deny this domain.
It is a common belief that the public services should
be focused
on
instead
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
supposedly
unimportant such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
However
,
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
firmly
believed that in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
situation which is in the technical century, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
is an indispensable part of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should partly allocate the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
national
budget to entertainment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
namely
musics, movies, dances, sports
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons why authority should take care of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
.
First
, developing the entertainment industry can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
national
economy thrive. In fact, Korea is the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
which
is known
for its developed entertainment industry. Korean
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
spent more than half the nation's budget on the
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "arts'" or "art's"?
arts
industry in order for economic profits which will
be reinvested
into public services including hospitals, educational facilities and infrastructure
Did you just mean "," or "."?
, .
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Second, investing in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
means preserving the culture's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
national
identities like traditional customs or cuisine and
consequently
creating various heritage for future generations.
For instance
, in Vietnam, there are numerous heritage sites and a huge number of relics which are older than 1000
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
Year
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Old
artifacts from
Possible spelling mistake found.
Ly
, Tran
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
dynasties


In addition
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
national
authorities have a number of capital resources invested in the entertainment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
, the mental life of citizens
is diversified
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the standard of happiness grows which leads to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
becoming a member of the Union of Happy Nations. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
living in the happy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
will have high confidence in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
their motivation to work is higher and more qualified.
Do you wish to insert an arrow?
->
Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
does the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country’s
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
force benefit from this trend,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
attract an enormous number of international intellectuals to boost the nation’s potential.

In conclusion
, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
disapprove the investment on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
, due to the fact that they believe it is a waste,
however
, in my book, the entertainment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
part of humans
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
not deny this domain.
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IELTS essay The government investment in arts such a waste, they should spend budget in public service

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
325 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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