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The government has a responsibility to its citizens to ensure their safety. Thus, it’s the governments’ responsibility to ban alcohol and tobacco as they are addictive substances and harmful. How do you feel about this approach?

The government has a responsibility to its citizens to ensure their safety. Thus, it’s the governments’ responsibility to ban alcohol and tobacco as they are addictive substances and harmful. How do you feel about this approach? 06mAB
It is stated that the leadership of any country should be accountable for the safeguarding of its public. Therefore, the onus of relinquishing alcohol and tobacco production and consumption should be their priority. It is also be noted that such substances have a negative impact on human's wellbeing, thereby, leaves a detrimental effect on their health. I completely agree to this that the ministry should take the necessary steps to tackle the same. This essay elaborates more on my opinions. To begin with, I would like to highlight that a majority section of our society is dealing with the problems as liver sorosis, kidney failure, tuberculosis, respiratory issues etcetera which are consequences of consuming such harmful products. First and foremost, the reason for the high intake by any citizen is easy availability of alcohol at their door steps. Secondly, alcohol and tobacco are sold to under aged students. However, enforcement of strict laws can certainly minimize its effects. For instance, alcohol and cigarettes can be ordered using online app. In addition to this, local municipalities have also failed to sensitize people about their ill effects. Moreover, it should be noted that the government holds the power to prohibit the sale of alcohol and tobacco by implementing strategies to ensure safety. It has also been reported by several newspapers that hardly any strict policy which are implemented to regularize their manufacturing and intake. Therefore, it is high time that political parties bring this in light and take necessary steps. The government should increase the taxes to minimizes its production. For example, various campaigns may be held to educate people in colleges and schools. To summarize, I would like to mention that the government should be more vigilant and bring policies which curbs the production of alcohol and tobacco production and consumption. It will not only ensure the safety of human being but also provide them a healthy environment to live.
It
is stated
that the leadership of any country should be accountable for the safeguarding of its public.
Therefore
, the onus of relinquishing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alcohol
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tobacco
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
production
and consumption should be their priority. It is
also
be noted
that such substances have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on human's
Possible spelling mistake found.
wellbeing
, thereby,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leaves
a detrimental effect on their health. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
to this that the ministry should take the necessary steps to tackle the same. This essay elaborates more on my opinions.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, I would like to highlight that a majority section of our society is dealing with the problems as liver
Possible spelling mistake found.
sorosis
, kidney failure, tuberculosis, respiratory
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "issues'" or "issue's"?
issues
etcetera which are consequences of consuming such harmful products.
First
and foremost, the reason for the high intake by any citizen is easy availability of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alcohol
at their door steps.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alcohol
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tobacco
are sold
to under aged students.
However
, enforcement of strict laws can
certainly
minimize its effects.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alcohol
and cigarettes can
be ordered
using online app.

In addition
to this, local municipalities have
also
failed to sensitize
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
about their ill effects.
Moreover
, it should
be noted
that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
holds the power to prohibit the sale of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alcohol
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tobacco
by implementing strategies to ensure safety. It has
also
been reported
by several newspapers that hardly any strict policy which
are implemented
to regularize their manufacturing and intake.
Therefore
, it is high time that political parties bring this in light and take necessary steps. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should increase the taxes to minimizes its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
production
.
For example
, various campaigns may
be held
to educate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in colleges and schools.

To summarize
, I would like to mention that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should be more vigilant and bring policies which curbs the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
production
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alcohol
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tobacco
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
production
and consumption. It will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
ensure the safety of human being
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
provide them a healthy environment to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
.
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IELTS essay The government has a responsibility to its citizens to ensure their safety. Thus, it’s the governments’ responsibility to ban alcohol and tobacco as they are addictive substances and harmful. How do you feel about this approach?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
319 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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