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the given table shows that children had taken part in different cultures activities in the last 12 months. summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main feature and make comparison where relevant. v.1

the given table shows that children had taken part in different cultures activities in the last 12 months.
Everyone has their favourite celebrity or public figure whom they want to follow or whom they admire. We get to know more about them through newspapers, magazines and other sort of media. I disagree with the point that these media pay a lot of attention to their personal lives. How much personal life famous people want others to know, it is in their hands. Whatever information they are going to share with print media, newspapers or magazines, they are going to show the same. For example, some people do not want to share the photos of their newborn children, whereas others do not find any harm in sharing it. Like Kareena Kapoor's son, Taimur, has always been captured from time to time in different moods and poses. So it basically depends on personal intent, how much they want to open up to the public. Normal people like us tend to follow these personalities. How these people are in real and what they all follow. We get to know about these traits through these newspapers and magazines. For example, Hrithik Roshan has recently shared with one magazine that he spends around 4 hours in the gym every day. Following this statement, so many youngsters who admire him, tend to follow the same. Celebrities play specific roles in movies. Public figures also have some certain behaviour in public events. Knowing about their personal life, it makes us feel that they are also normal persons like us in real life. For example, US President Barack Obama stood in a queue to take the burger. If no one would have covered this, then we will never get to know him better. So to cover their personal lives is fine, but to some extent. As it helps us to understand them better. In conclusion, it is fine to pay attention to the personal lives of celebrities or public figures to some extend. As it will give a better glimpse of their nature in normal lifestyle, which further helps the younger generation to follow them appropriately.
Everyone has their
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
celebrity or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
figure whom they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
follow
or whom they admire. We
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
know
more about them through newspapers,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
magazines
and other sort of media. I disagree with the point that these media pay
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
attention to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

How much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
others to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
know
, it is in their hands. Whatever information they are going to share with print media, newspapers or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
magazines
, they are going to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
the same.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to share the photos of their newborn children, whereas others do not find any harm in sharing it. Like
Possible spelling mistake found.
Kareena
Possible spelling mistake found.
Kapoor
's son,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Taimur
, has always
been captured
from time to time in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
moods and poses.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
it
basically
depends on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
intent, how much they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to open up to the public.

Normal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
like us tend to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
follow
these personalities. How these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are in real and what they all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
follow
. We
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
know
about these traits through these newspapers and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
magazines
.
For example
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Hrithik
Roshan has recently shared with one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
magazine
that he spends around 4 hours in the gym every day. Following this statement,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
youngsters who admire him, tend to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
follow
the same.

Celebrities play specific roles in movies.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Public
figures
also
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
certain
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
. Knowing about their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
life, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
us feel that they are
also
normal persons like us in real life.
For example
, US President Barack Obama stood in a queue to take the burger. If no one
Did you mean "had covered"?
would have covered
this, then we will never
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
know
him better.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
to cover their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
is fine,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
us to understand them better.

In conclusion
, it is fine to pay attention to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
of celebrities or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
figures to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Did you mean the noun "extent"?
extend
. As it will give a better glimpse of their nature in normal lifestyle, which
further
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
the younger generation to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
follow
them
appropriately
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay the given table shows that children had taken part in different cultures activities in the last 12 months.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
340 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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