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the gender distribution of doing scientific research across a range of disciplines at a UK university

the gender distribution of doing scientific research across a range of disciplines at a UK university np02
We live in an age when many of us are greatly facilitated to fulfill the requirements for entertainment needs by the most cutting-edge technology and modern means of transport, which allow us to reach any destination we want for a vacation. Unfortunately, some people prefer to do a job with more vacation time, even though it provides a low salary due to our world's development. Personally, I completely disagree with this view as we can't deny the huge importance of money to our lives. And this essay will address for my view as follow. Firstly, it's true that life is not just enjoying vacations. To live a decent life, we need money to cover a lot of things otherwise life will be extremely tough on us. Therefore, we have to find high-salary jobs to also pay for most indispensable things like food, houses, water. . . Assuming that you worked for a low-salary job just to have more time for your vacation, you would be in debt due to the inability to pay for the essential things. Besides, the more vacation holidays you have in a year, the less excited you gradually get owing to not finding another new passion for life with the time you're wasting. From my perspective, we can still spend so much good quality time together though we're occupied with tasks up to our eyes because each trip extremely fulfills our life. Secondly, it's obvious that we also need to spare cash for critical cases besides these essential things. For example, we use the money to afford medical fees ensuring that we can protect our health from dangerous diseases. In addition, we work hard to scrape a living not only for ourselves but also for our loving family. Parents have been striving so hard to make money every day to give us the best things in life, so I think now it's time we took care of them and gave them the most precious things ever. All things considered, I'd prefer to work in a high-salary profession with less vacation time because of the irreplaceable role of monetary value in our survival.
We
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in an age when
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of us are
greatly
facilitated to fulfill the requirements for entertainment needs by the most cutting-edge technology and modern means of transport, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
us to reach any destination we want for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vacation
. Unfortunately,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
prefer to do a job with more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vacation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
,
even though
it provides a low salary due to our world's development.
Personally
, I completely disagree with this view as we can't deny the huge importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. And this essay will address for my view
Did you mean "as follows"?
as follow
.

Firstly
, it's true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
enjoying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vacations
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a decent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, we need
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to cover
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
things
otherwise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
will be
extremely
tough on us.
Therefore
, we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
find high-salary jobs to
also
pay for most indispensable things like food,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
, water.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Assuming that you worked for a low-salary job
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
to have more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vacation
, you would be in debt due to the inability to pay for the essential things.
Besides
, the more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vacation
holidays you have in a year, the less excited you
gradually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
owing to not finding another new passion for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
you're wasting. From my perspective, we can
still
spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
together though we're occupied with tasks up to our eyes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
each trip
extremely
fulfills our life.

Secondly
, it's obvious that we
also
need to spare cash for critical cases
besides
these essential things.
For example
, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to afford medical fees ensuring that we can protect our health from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
diseases.
In addition
, we work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to scrape a living not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for ourselves
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
for our loving family. Parents have been striving
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
every day to give us the best things in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
it's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
we took care of them and gave them the most precious things ever.

All things considered, I'd prefer to work in a high-salary profession with less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vacation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the irreplaceable role of monetary value in our survival.
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IELTS essay the gender distribution of doing scientific research across a range of disciplines at a UK university

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
356 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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